


Beginner's Guide to the Universe

by radiantradish



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Best Friends, Camping, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Set in America, how do these tags work i have no idea what i'm doing, or post college/university its both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24897904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantradish/pseuds/radiantradish
Summary: Daichi and Suga met freshman year of college in an astronomy class. Best friends, Suga taught Daichi how to find constellations and Daichi taught Suga -----? Daichi isn’t sure he taught Suga anything.Now Daichi is leaving for grad school in California in two months.Suga invites him on a roadtrip to the Grand Canyon, can Daichi find a way to tell Suga how he feels or is this finally goodbye?
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 21
Kudos: 83





	Beginner's Guide to the Universe

“Oh no Daichi, it’s happening.”

Daichi had been dozing but the tone of Suga’s voice and the sound his car was making brought him to instant awareness and an innate sense of panic. They were still in the middle of nowhere Utah, dirt and rock and sagebrush for miles in all directions.

“Huh? What? Why are we slowing down?” Daichi looked around, first afraid they were being pulled over for Suga speeding and then when there proved to be no one behind them he turned to his best friend. Suga’s attention was focused wholly on the dashboard as if he could make the gauges give him different answers with the power of his mind. “Suga?”

“You remember that sign that said no services for the next 101 miles?”

“Suga.”

“And you asked if we were good on gas and I said we would be fine?”

“No, no, please,” Daichi had his hands in his hair, disbelief. Suga would not meet his eyes. Then they were then coasting to stop, Suga guiding the car onto the shoulder.

“You’re joking right? Please tell me you’re kidding,” Daichi was leaning over to look at the fuel gauge. The red light was on E. Suga put on a smile, hollow as a Halloween mask.

“Its fine, we’ll just call Triple A or something, right?” he said hopefully as if anything was ever that simple. Daichi already had his phone out shaking his head in disbelief.

“No service.”

“This is all your fault,” Daichi huffed later, wiping the sweat from his forehead. How it could possibly be getting hotter he had no idea, the desert sun reflecting off the blacktop. The back of his t-shirt was soaked in sweat.

“We had a quarter tank,” Suga protested. He sounded as exhausted as Daichi felt. He was about three steps ahead leading the way, ball cap on over his flyaway ash hair, sunglasses on. Daichi had left his own glasses in the car, something he hadn’t thought of until it didn’t make sense to go back to grab them. Now he squinted at Suga’s back wondering why he’d ever agreed to go on this trip in the first place. No one had passed them going either direction for the hour they’d been walking.

Suga hadn’t been sure how many miles into the 101 they’d been when the gas had run out. Daichi hoped it wasn’t much further, but there was nothing in front of them as far as he could see and nothing behind, his car long since faded into the wavering heat lines.

“I mean like originally,” Daichi clarified. Suga heaved a heavy sigh. Where now was the screeching panic when they had realized they were headed north not south? Where was the nervous chattering when they’d seen that no services sign? Suga didn’t seem to be worried about their situation at all, backpack hiked up like they were headed to class and not on a march across the middle of nowhere.

“Well you didn’t have to agree to come with me,” he finally answered to Daichi, an edge to his voice Daichi didn’t think he’d heard before. He grimaced, sorry he’d prodded.

“Well I couldn’t very well let you come alone. Then you’d be out here on this highway to hell all by yourself.” Daichi didn’t like that thought at all. Suga out here alone baking in the desert sun.

“Wrong. If I’d come alone, I’d already be at the Grand Canyon because _unlike you_ I can actually read a fucking map.” Daichi winced and Suga turned a shit eating smile back to him. He’d only half way meant it, Daichi softened, heat in his face that had nothing to do with the sun.

“Shut up,” he growled without any teeth. Suga laughed at him. He pulled their single water bottle out of his bag and offered it to Daichi as a peace offering.

“Thirsty?”

Daichi closed the distance between them. As Suga handed it to him Daichi could see his hands and wrists red with what was becoming a nasty sunburn. One more thing he’d forgotten to plan for when he’d gotten out of the car.

“Did you put on sunscreen?”

“Did you put on sunscreen?” Suga parroted back to him like it was a dumb question. “What are you, my dad?”

“One of us has to be responsible,” Daichi answered handing Suga back the water and setting down his duffle bag to dig for the bottle of sunscreen he knew he’d packed.

“Wait, for real, you actually brought sunscreen?”

“And you, the one who wants to hike in the Grand Canyon, didn’t?” Daichi offered it to him with a triumphant grin. Suga took it without complaint. Dutifully he rubbed it onto his arms and neck and down his pale calves. Daichi pulled out his phone but the result was the same as before.

“No service?” Suga asked.

“No service,” he confirmed.

“Did I get it all rubbed in on my face?”

“You missed some,” Daichi reached to rub in the streak of white on Suga’s nose, a warmth rising in his chest. Suga was oblivious. _Why did it have to be him? My best friend of all people._

“Alright Dad, your turn,” Suga handed him back the bottle and unfolded the map, tracing their probable progress with a finger. How he had any idea of where they were at was beyond Daichi.

_They’d met freshman year in an astronomy class in college. Daichi had first known Suga as the kid two rows behind him who asked too many questions, bright hazel eyes, all skinny legs and wrists. Names back to back in the rollcall they’d gotten paired up for a project. Daichi was good at math and Suga had an eye for constellations and they never really quit meeting up. First for the project and then to work on homework and then for coffee because Suga was a coffee **fiend**. He dragged them all over town trying out different cafes and mocking Daichi endlessly for taking his coffee plain and black. They both liked being outdoors, they joined an intramural volleyball team, were roommates for senior year at an apartment off campus. Daichi cleaned the bathroom and Suga killed the spiders- or humanely captured and released them outside depending on his mood. They had graduated two months ago, the photo of the two of them grinning in their caps and gowns still tucked in Daichi’s glovebox. _

“Daichi you take the last of it.”

There was what barely amounted to a swallow left. Daichi was panting. He could feel his scalp burning. They’d already each taken their respective drinks. Suga looked worse than he felt. Face splotchy red under his ball cap, hair poking out from underneath his hat like straw out of a scarecrow. They were both soaked in sweat now.

“You take it, I’m okay,” Daichi lied. Suga considered the water.

“Maybe we should save it.”

“Might as well drink it,” Daichi told him. Suga still hesitated. That was when they heard the distant sound of a car. It was coming from behind, going the same direction as them.

“Is that--?”

“It is.”

Daichi grabbed Suga’s arm to pull him off the shoulder of the highway and into the ditch. Suga shrugged him off.

“What are you doing?” Daichi demanded, “It’s not safe.” Instead Suga stayed where he was at, posing with his thumb the way they were headed.

“This works in the movies right?” he asked.

“Hey, we are not getting into some random person’s car. What if they’re a serial killer? What if…” the car was nearly upon them, Daichi’s voice drowned out by the sound. It roared past them without stopping. The first car they’d seen in nearly an hour and now it was gone, lost in a cloud of dust. Daichi coughed miserably, lifting an arm up to shield his eyes.

“Hey Daichi look, they pulled over,” now Suga had him by the arm hauling him forward. Daichi resisted.

“We’re not hitch hiking.”

“Do you want to die out here or not?”

Up ahead the car had pulled over. It was beat up Ford Taurus that had seen better days. Daichi was going to dig in his heels. There was no way they were just going to get into this car with some stranger out here in the middle of the desert.

“Need a lift?” the driver called to them. He’d gotten out, his bright red hair like he was on fire himself. The fresh demon of the desert. The closer they got they could see the driver wasn’t much older than them. Short and grinning, he was wearing a tank top with muscular arms, sunglasses pushed back on his head, a constellation of light freckles across his face.

“Yes please,” Sugawara called back to him.

“Was that your car broke down back a ways?” the boy asked pointing back the way they’d come, when they were in conversation range.

“His car,” Suga answered waving his thumb at Daichi. Daichi glowered, as if whose car it was made a difference. It wasn’t like it had broken down either, they’d _run out of gas_.

“Where are you headed?” the kid asked popping the trunk to throw in their bags. Sugawara handed over his backpack without hesitation.

“Well we were going to the Grand Canyon,” Suga started, throwing Daichi a look. Daichi felt heat (more heat!) flush in his face at that. “We got a little, uh, _sidetracked_ though.”

“That’s so cool! I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon!” the kid answered reaching out to take Daichi’s duffle. Daichi hesitated but Suga pried it off his shoulder and offered it to kid.

“You’re a real lifesaver, we thought we were going to die out here, right Daichi?” Suga said still smiling like the kid was his best friend. Daichi gave a noncommittal sound to that question.

“I’m Shoyo, by the way,” the kid said heading back around to the driver’s side as Suga opened the front passenger door. “You’re Daichi and…?”

“Koushi,” Sugawara answered, “but all my friends call me Suga. Daichi you can ride up front,” he said holding the door open. He turned a look back to Daichi who had sullenly followed, an unwilling participant. Suga knew he got carsick when he rode in the back. Daichi considered that for a moment, looking Suga in the face and wishing he would take off his sunglasses so he could know what he was thinking. “Come on, it’ll be fine,” Suga said then softer, in a voice directed at just him. He relented, stepping forward and Suga slapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll be right behind you,” he promised as Daichi got in.

_Suga had told him about his road trip to the Grand Canyon two weeks ago, coming out of another job interview that was ‘eh, not so great’. He’d stopped at the grocery store on his way home but hadn’t been able to wait to tell Daichi his plan._

_“Look, it’ll be easy, I’ll pack up Friday night, drive two days, bam the Grand Canyon,” he explained over the phone into Daichi’s ear as Daichi slowly scrolled the internet looking for used copies of the books he needed for the first year of grad school. “I forget, do we need laundry detergent?”_

_“We don’t. But, Suga, all by yourself?” was Daichi’s answer to that._

_“Yeah, why not? You think I can’t handle it?” Suga countered to him, a challenge, Daichi could hear his taunting smile, and for a flash he almost blurted out a request to go with. Just the two of us, for a whole week. His stomach churned, there was no way he could ask that._

_“What if you get a flat? Do you know how to change a tire?”_

_“Sure I know how to change a tire? Do you know how to change a tire, Mr. Eagle Scout?”_

_“Sure I’ve done that… uh, once or twice,” Daichi lied and Suga laughed at him._

_“Very convincing, Daichi.”_

_“What if you meet a serial killer?”_

_“Why is that your argument to everything?”_

_“I’m just saying maybe it’s not safe to go by yourself,” he said._

_“I’m a big boy,” Suga said, “and anyway it’s not like,” he hesitated for a moment, Daichi tried to picture his face, swept back ash hair, gold brown eyes thoughtful, “it’s not like there’s anyone to go with.” That was his opening. Daichi sucked in a breath. He could get out of his job at the bank for a week, there were people who owed him favors._

_“Well, I could go with you,” he said words fumbling, “You know, to uh, keep you safe.” Suga was silent and for a moment Daichi panicked that it hadn’t been an invitation, Suga really had wanted to go alone and now he was barging in on it._

_“That’d be great Daichi!” was the answer to that question, “It’ll be a lot of fun, I swear, there’s trails to hike and rattlesnakes and… wait what about your job? Did they fire you already?” Daichi laughed._

_“Not yet. I’ll just get someone to cover.”_

“Daichi? Daichi?” Suga’s voice brought him back around. The car had stopped moving, they were at a gas station in a little tiny town. Daichi felt sticky with the dried sweat on his face.

“It’s our stop, time to wake up,” Suga told him patting him on the shoulder from the seat behind him. Shoyo had already gotten out, his door left open as they heard the trunk pop. Suga got out and with a stiff groan Daichi followed him back out into the thick heat.

“Thanks for the ride!” Suga called as Shoyo pulled out and away into a cloud of dust. It was late afternoon, the sun creeping toward the horizon. “Well, what now?” he said turning back to Daichi who was mid yawn, feeling gross. The sun burn was clear on Suga’s face now, his cheeks red, lines where his sunglasses had been. “You look like a wreck,” Suga informed him.

“Yeah, well you’re no pretty picture either,” Daichi grumbled back reaching up to touch the heat of the sunburn on his own face, his stomach growled uncomfortably. “I’m so hungry I feel like I’m going to die.”

“No need to Die-chi,” Suga laughed at him taking him by the shoulders and pushing him towards the gas station. “Snacks await.”

“You are so dumb, please don’t ever say that to me again,” Daichi complained.

“What? I thought that was a good one,” Suga said. The door chimed as they entered the convenience store. A young woman eyed them over the top of her glasses, a book open in front of her on the counter. She had a beauty mark on her chin, dark blue eyes following them with some suspicion. Suga paid her no attention heading straight for the coolers along the wall and opened a door to a blast of cold air, he sighed happily. Daichi’s head spun with the options, his stomach growled louder. Suga pushed a big bottle of water and a protein bar into his hands.

“Do you want a gas station banana? I bet they’ve got them around here somewhere?” Suga mumbled. Daichi stumbled along after him. The bananas located, browner than he would’ve liked but edible. “There’s hot dogs, do you want a hot dog?”

“I’m gonna draw the line at gas station hot dogs,” Daichi answered him. Suga turned him a grin.

“Fair enough. More for me,” he got one out of the case and then herded Daichi to the register pulling out his wallet.

“I can…” Daichi protested.

“My treat,” Suga answered helping him spread out their food on the counter. The woman eyed them wearily and rang them up. Suga noticed her now, giving her one of his blistering smiles. Daichi’s stomach clenched uneasily. Suga handed over his card and opened one of their big bottles of water to chug. Snacks secured they headed outside to sit on the curb and eat. The angle of the sun and the building cast them in shadow. Daichi had finished the banana before they sat down, already peeling the wrapper off the protein bar. Suga took a bite of the hotdog and changed his mind about it.

“How are we going to get gas back to the car?” Daichi asked, pulling the cap off his water to take a swallow. With food in his stomach he could finally think, and there wasn’t any good thoughts to be had. The tiny town where they were at was more barren ghost town than desert oasis. There was what looked to be a bar across the road from them, a smattering of small houses that had seen better days, the gas station, a motel and, down the road as if to say it was above the rest of them, were the gleaming yellow arches of McDonald’s. Suga was putting their excess snacks into his backpack, his own protein bar into his mouth. He shrugged. He pulled out his phone and then showed Daichi the result. It was dead. Daichi pulled his out, it was on 5% and fading fast.

“Maybe the pretty girl can give us a lift,” Suga suggested, gesturing to the lady back inside. Daichi grimaced.

“How far is it do you think?”

“We were in the car with Shoyo for probably forty five minutes,” Suga said. “We definitely would have died out there if it wasn’t for him.”

“We’re probably not going to make it to destination B, tonight then,” Daichi said. It’d been half a joke, but his heart dropped a little when Suga laughed at him.

“Not a chance, I don’t even know where the fuck we are.”

“I thought you could read the map?” Daichi said feeling defeated. Suga turned to look at him now, something sobering in his face at Daichi’s tone.

“We’ll figure it out Daichi, no worries,” he said jabbing him gently in the shoulder with his fist. Then he hopped up.

“I need to pee, don’t go anywhere.”

Daichi gave a huff of laughter at him, as if he could go anywhere when they were out here, no car, in the middle of nowhere. Suga disappeared with a chime back into the shop.

_They’d started out optimistic. After intense negotiations it was decided that they’d take Daichi’s car (“It gets better gas mileage. Less money for gas.” “Daichi, it’s a death trap, what if it breaks down? Will your cheap ass be happy then? The cd player doesn’t even work”) instead of Suga’s car (“More leg room, Daichi. Old reliable. Better sound system. Fuck gas mileage.” “We’ll go broke paying for gas, Suga. And your tires are bald. If it rains we’ll slide right off the highway.”)_

_It’d been sunny and breezy, Suga had borrowed his sister’s tent and GPS. Daichi had the snacks. Suga had written it all out: Destination A, B and finally C: the Grand Canyon. Daichi had insisted on driving. (“It’s my death trap.”) Getting out of town was fine, and everything had gone well until the GPS had quit working. (I’ve got maps on my phone, Daichi, no worries). Then they’d hit a big city, a spider’s web of interstate interchanges. (Next exit Daichi, not this one! Merge over! No wait, it is this one! My bad! Sorry!) Finally Daichi had pulled off at an exit. They parked in a Subway parking lot and shouted at each other for five minutes. Suga went inside to grab them lunch and then they switched places. (You can read a map right, Daichi?)_

_That had gone better. Suga ran out of data and Daichi had opened the map, Destination A in sight. Except map reading and carsickness don’t get along, he folded the map up and closed his eyes._

_“Daichi? Yoo hoo, Daichi?”_

_Daichi woke with a start. The car was stopped._

_“Huh? What’s going on? Did we make it?” He looked around trying to absorb where they were from the details. Number 1: they were in the desert and number 2: they were parked outside of a small building shaped like a conch shell._

_“Look where we are,” Daichi didn’t have to look at Suga to know he was proud of himself and grinning like an idiot._

_“What is it?”_

_“Isn’t it obvious?”_

_“What the fuck…?” Daichi squinted at the gleaming conch shell._

_“It’s the world’s largest shell emporium, dumbass,” Suga said. “Come on, we’re going in,” and he bounded out of the car._

Daichi had his face buried against his knees when Suga came back out of the convenience shop.

“Kiyoko told me where we’re at,” he announced to Daichi, “AND she said she can give us a lift back to your car.”

“What?” Daichi lifted up his head turning to where Suga stood triumphant, hands on his hips. He’d taken off his hat, hair sticking up every which way and Daichi could see how red his knees and shins were too. He looked like a boiled lobster. “Who’s Kiyoko?”

“The girl,” Suga said smiling. Daichi grimaced. “Except not until tomorrow. Somebody borrowed her car so we’re stuck here tonight,” he finished still proud of his accomplishment. “We have arrived. Our new Destination B. What do you want to go see first?”

Daichi turned back around to their options.

“I can’t decide. There’s too many choices. You pick.”

“Nope, that attitude is not allowed,” Suga declared. “We’re in Blue River, Utah and we’re going to enjoy it.”

“Blue River? Where?”

“I dunno. Let’s go look.”

“I’m too tired to look.”

“First you’re too hungry and now you’re too tired. Daichi you’re no fun. Is it time for your nap? Let’s go check in at our five star accommodation.”

The motel looked better from far away. In the five hot minutes of walking it went from okay to scary, all the doors peeling paint, the numbers rusty, the front office door handle looked like it was duct taped on. They came to a halt outside.

“Five star you said?” Daichi said.

“Only the best,” Suga agreed without enthusiasm.

“Is it even open? There’s no cars in the parking lot.”

“What if it’s staffed by ghosts? What if inside the front office is a skeleton? What if all the rooms are haunted?” Suga’s voice was low. Daichi shuddered.

“Stop it. We don’t have any other options.”

“You open the door,” Suga said.

“No, you.”

Suga sucked in a breath and then shot him a look. Daichi couldn’t read it, his heart missing a beat and then Suga reached for the duct taped door knob and pushed inside.

“’Afternoon,” said the man at the counter. He had longish bleached hair held back from his face with a headband, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

“Uh, we’ll take a room,” Suga said pulling out his wallet.

“Suga, I can…” Daichi protested, but Suga waved him back.

“A double,” he specified. The man eyed them.

“Fresh out,” he answered them.

“There’s no one staying here,” Daichi said.

“I’m saying they’re all singles,” the man said stubbing out his cigarette in an ashtray and turning his full focus on Daichi. Underneath his nonchalance was enough of a menace to keep him from saying anything else. Daichi fought the urge to shrink behind Suga who had not moved an inch.

“One of those then,” Suga said voice still firm.

“Sure thing,” the man said the menace gone, he slapped a clipboard up on the counter with guest information for Suga to fill out. Daichi looked over his shoulder.

“What’s this for?” Daichi asked.

“Good to have guest information in case anything happens.”

“Anything happens?” Suga gulped. The man looked between the two of them and laughed.

“You kids are a long way from home, huh? College kids on a summer road trip?”

Suga nodded handing him back the clipboard and then he seemed to take courage.

“Anything to see here in Blue River?”

“Nah, ain’t much. The Rusty Nail is a sight to see but that’s probably not what you meant.”

“The Rusty Nail?” Daichi asked.

“Bar across the street,” the man clarified.

“Where’s the river?” Daichi ventured.

“What river?”

“The Blue River,” Suga said. And the man laughed at them again.

“You kids are funny.” He turned around and grabbed a set of keys he slapped down on the desk for them. He pulled out another cigarette. “You’re in room number 13. You can park anywhere you want. Check out time is 11.”

“He didn’t seem so bad,” Suga said when they were back outside. They followed the sidewalk around the building until they found their room.

“Home sweet home, huh?” Daichi asked reaching to unlock the door, and swung it open into the darkness.

_Suga dragged Daichi in through the door of the World’s Largest Seashell Emporium. Daichi wasn’t sure if it was the coolest thing he had ever seen or if it was the tackiest. It certainly made the least amount sense, out in the middle of the desert._

_“Welcome, welcome,” called the man at the counter, he was in a red and pink Hawaiian shirt, leaning casually at the counter, brown hair swept back from his face with the attitude of someone who knows they’re good looking. There was a second man sweeping nearby in a blue cut off shirt, with shorter dark hair. He didn’t even bother to look up when they came in._

_“Iwa-chan, greet our guests,” the first man stage whispered to the man in blue beside him._

_“Welcome to the World’s Largest Seashell Emporium inside the world’s largest seashell,” he said to them without enthusiasm. Daichi grinned to himself but Suga had already disappeared down the aisles, emitting his location in a stream of “ooh”s and “Daichi look at this one.” Daichi followed after Suga, dazed by the sheer quantity of shells._

_“Look at this,” Suga had finally come to a halt holding up a blush colored conch nearly as big as his head. His eyes were wide with wonder._

_“Should you really be holding that?” Daichi asked._

_“Can I get it?”_

_“How much is it? What would you even do with it?”_

_Suga’s expression fell._

_“I like it, it’s pretty. I’ll keep it and always remember this trip,” his voice low. Daichi felt bad for not being more appreciative._

_“It is a nice color,” he amended. Suga gave him a glance, a small smile on his lips that knocked the wind out of Daichi. What was that? What did that mean? His heart was drumming suddenly. Suga turned the shell over and gagged at the price tag._

_“It’s seventy five dollars,” he groaned._

_“Too much,” Daichi agreed._

_“Daichi, can you loan me some money?”_

_“You still haven’t paid me back for the drone last year. No way. The bank is closed.”_

_“Lame,” groaned Suga setting the conch back where he had found it, “You wouldn’t even open the bank for me? Your best friend? Your best friend who helped you ace that literature class last semester?” Daichi rolled his eyes grinning._

_“You didn’t help me ace it.”_

_“I single handedly made sure you graduated. Your big fancy degree is all thanks to me, Daichi.”_

_“Like I didn’t tutor you through all of your math classes,” Daichi retorted. Suga’s face reddened. He ducked into the next aisle._

_“Meanie.”_

“It’s not so bad,” Daichi said wincing. There was, in fact, one bed. They’d probably both fit. Probably. There was a mysterious stain on the wall and water spots on the ceiling and what looked to be a hole burnt on the inside of the lampshade of the lamp on the nightstand.

“Yeah, not so bad,” Suga agreed with a grimace turning on the light in the bathroom and then just as quickly turning it back off. They hadn’t set their bags down yet.

“Only option,” Daichi reminded him and finally threw his duffle down on the bed and then flopped down beside it with a heavy sigh. He shut his eyes. Last night they’d slept in the car, anything would be better than that. He was ready for a shower and some good fucking sleep. Suga sank down on the bed beside him with a weary sound, their knees bumping.

“Daichi,” he started, the jokes gone out of his voice. Daichi’s heart jumped and he opened his eyes and sat up. With both their weights concentrated on the edge of the bed the mattress seemed fold in, they sank closer together, shoulders touching.

“What is it?” Daichi asked, concerned. And then it was gone, Suga leapt up.

“Let’s go check out the Rusty Nail.”

“Suga, I’m tired,” Daichi reminded him, “I’m not going to go get drunk with some old guys in a bar called the Rusty Nail.”

“Why not? It’s a once in a lifetime experience,” Suga said cheerfully. “Should I put on my “going out” jeans? I probably smell like sweat,” he said lifting the collar of his shirt up to sniff it. He grimaced and started digging into his backpack. Daichi lay back down, wondering if he didn’t move Suga might change his mind. Would it be so bad to just stay in and watch some tv and go to bed early? “What do you think? Yes?” Suga asked. Daichi shut his eyes, imagined being asleep. “Daichi, hello? Yes or Yes?” Suga hit him with what felt like a pair of jeans. Daichi grimaced and sat up. Suga had changed into a clean black t-shirt and was waving his “going out” jeans at Daichi. They were the slim fit ones that made his ass look nice. Heat flared in Daichi’s face, his lips twisted into a smile against his will.

“Yes then?” Suga had a smirk on his face. “Come on Daichi, you have to come with me in case any of the locals get too frisky.”

“If you’re worried about frisky locals…” Daichi started and then he laid back down, draping an arm over his blushing face and didn’t finish the thought.

“You said you were going to keep me safe, right? Well if you let me go alone…” Suga trailed off, Daichi listened to him kick off his shorts and then a hiss of pain as he tried to pull the jeans on. “Damn sunburn.” Daichi kept his eyes shut and tried without success to not think about Suga’s legs.

“Okay, well,” Suga said, “I’m just gonna go then. I bet they have food and everything.” The door didn’t open and Daichi did not move. “Alright,” Suga started again, “Good bye Daichi. I’ll see you later. You’ll miss the nachos. I’m leaving now. Goodbye.” The sound of the doorknob turning. “Later Daichi.” It opened. “I’m really going. See ya.” Then finally he stepped out and shut the door behind him. Daichi held still but the door didn’t open back up. Finally he sat up.

“Daichi come on, we’re losing time.” Daichi nearly jumped, Suga was still standing inside, his arms crossed.

“Fine,” Daichi grumbled. Suga unzipped Daichi’s duffle and started digging through it. “Hey!”

“You’ve got to wear something else though. Athletic shorts not allowed. We’re going to a classy establishment,” Suga said tossing a t-shirt at Daichi and then looking up in frustration. “You didn’t bring your going out jeans?”

“Suga, I don’t have going out jeans.”

“Sure you do, the nice dark ones…” Suga frowned at him. Daichi was baffled; since when did Suga keep track of his jeans? “You know the ones,” Suga said, “they uh…” He didn’t finish turning back to the duffle.

“There’s no jeans in there,” Daichi told him, peeling off the shirt he was wearing, his arms stinging confirming they were just as burnt as Suga’s.

“Whatever then, gym rat, let’s go,” Suga said opening back up the door as Daichi pulled his shoes back on.

It was dirty. It was grungy. It smelled of stale beer. There were more cars parked out front of the Rusty Nail than anywhere else in town. Daichi half expected the small space to be packed with the entire population of the town. He wondered if Suga was hoping to run into the girl from the gas station here, and that’s why he’d put on his “going out” jeans. When the fuck did he start calling them that anyway? Suga hauled him all the way inside as if the moment he let go of Daichi’s arm, Daichi would flee. It was at least blissfully air conditioned inside and the man behind the bar called a welcome. There were plenty of people inside but not as packed as Daichi imagined. Three what appeared to be bikers in denim jackets with matching crow patches on their backs were leaning up against a pool table on one end of the bar. On the other end there was a tv going with some game on that the rest of the patrons seemed to be engrossed in. The hum of voices was almost pleasant.

“What can I get you?” the cheerful man behind the bar called when they neared. He had longer dark hair and freckles on his face.

“Got anything to eat?” Suga asked, turning a glance to Daichi. “Preferably nachos.”

“I’ll see if I can rustle some up,” the bar tender told Suga with a wink.

“See what you almost missed out on?” Suga asked hopping up on the bar stool and then craning his neck to see what was so interesting on tv. “Hey, hey, they’ve got volleyball on, reminds me of the good ole’ days, eh Daichi?”

“You mean like three months ago?”

“Yeah, those good ole days,” Suga was smiling again, and Daichi was catching it, a smile lifting his own lips, he sat down on the stool next to Suga. The bar tender returned.

“I think I may have been successful. Tsukki just takes a little arm twisting for things off menu.”

“Off menu? You have a menu?” Suga asked eyes lighting up, he elbowed Daichi as if Daichi was the only one hungry and their last meal hadn’t been protein bars outside of a gas station. The bartender flushed, and for a minute Daichi considered the thought that maybe he was flirting with Suga. Suga beamed right back up at him, either oblivious to his effect on people or enjoying it on purpose. Daichi’s smile fell off his face, chest tight. He turned at the sound of jeering from the pool table, any distraction from what was happening next to him, more than welcome. The bikers came in three sizes, small, medium and large. The smallest of the three with short dark hair, sporting a streak of bleach, his arms were covered in tattoos and both of his ears pierced. The medium with a shaved head cackling maniacally and the large one deceptively leaning over hiding his height, with a goatee and hair tied back in a bun, decidedly the most sinister of the three. The small one lined up his cue and fired with a crack, the balls scattering across the table.

“Daichi you want anything?” Suga was elbowing him again. The bartender was gone but had left them with a “menu”. It was scribbled on a cocktail napkin. Suga already had his drink, sipping while Daichi appraised the list. It hit him again how tired he was.

_They’d slept overnight in a rest stop parking lot. They hadn’t made it to destination A. This was just a detour Suga insisted, they were going the right direction now. Suga had reclined the driver’s seat all the way back, rolled over on his side, and was out nearly immediately. Daichi had tried to follow his example but he couldn’t get comfortable and he couldn’t fall asleep. Headlights danced across the ceiling while Suga snored softly beside him. They’d cracked the windows, the night air cool and dry._

_Daichi suddenly found himself wondering what would happen when Suga got a job and he started grad school. His school was out of state, he’d have to move and Suga would stay where he was at. That wasn’t so bad right? He’d left his high school friends behind when he’d gone to college. He still kept in touch with some of them. He and Suga would still talk. They had to. The idea of not being around him anymore made Daichi’s chest feel tight. He rolled over trying to banish the thought from his head. They’d cross that bridge when they got to it. It just seemed like lately it was different. Something had changed and it made everything worse. So much more depended on everything. It was the thought of losing Suga that hurt the worst but he didn’t want to admit it, not to himself and certainly not to Suga._

_What if…_

_Daichi groaned and rolled over burying his face in his hands. Suga’s snoring had stopped._

_“Daichi are you still awake?” Suga’s voice was soft, sleepy. Daichi’s heart stuttered and he wondered if he should admit it or pretend to be asleep. Suga would worry if he was still awake. He didn’t say anything. He held still and tried to breathe evenly. He heard the shuffling of Suga rolling over and then a heavy sigh. His heart stabbed again._

“Daichi? Earth to Daichi?” Suga punched him in the shoulder and Daichi lifted his head. He’d nodded off thinking about food. The bartender had brought the nachos which honestly looked really fucking good. “Were you sleeping?” Suga asked still looking at him.

“I guess. It’s been a long day,” Daichi said running a hand through his hair. Suga still looked skeptical. His drink had been refilled. The noise at the pool table had gotten louder. The bar tender was calling to them in non-threatening tones to cool down, still smiling. He looked incapable of hurting a fly. Grumpily Daichi wondered what Suga saw in the guy.

They worked their way through the plate of nachos. The bartender brought Daichi a beer and refilled Suga’s glass.

“Yamaguchi’s the best,” Suga said cheerily as they were scraping the bottom of the plate. “A great bartender. A rare gem. The finest,” he was smiling dreamily.

“If you like him so much, why don’t you marry him,” Daichi grumbled back. Suga laughed and punched Daichi in the shoulder.

“You’re funny Daichi, have I ever told you that? You are the funniest.” Still laughing to himself, he caught the bartender’s eye. “Another please,” he said offering him his empty glass.

“Suga.” Daichi was cut off as Suga leapt up.

“You think they’ll let me join in? I’m pretty good at pool.”

“Suga you are not good at pool, come back here,” Daichi tried to catch hold of Suga’s shirt but he was gone, across the bar to the bikers at the pool table. His nice ass jeans disappearing into the crowd of people and ash grey hair reappearing as the three bikers turned to face him. Daichi downed the rest of his beer and hurried to stop whatever was about to happen.

_The seashell was deceptively larger on the inside. Before Daichi knew it he’d lost Suga among the shells. There were so many of them. He could still hear the tinny music coming from the radio up front but it seemed the more he tried to discern where he was the fainter it got. Finally he emerged from the racks of scotch bonnets and lightning whelks to see Suga at the counter as the man in the Hawaiian shirt wrapped up his purchase. It was in a box. A large box. Daichi knew it could only be one thing in there. Suga was laughing with the man in the Hawaiian shirt._

_“I know, I know,” he was saying, “You made a great choice. The perfect shell.” The man in the blue tank top was sitting on the back counter now, glaring in their direction as he fiddled with the dials on the radio. Daichi shared his sentiment not liking the look the man in the Hawaiian shirt was fixing on Suga. It made his skin crawl._

_“Thank you so much,” Suga said picking up the box and tucking the receipt into his pocket. He turned around and saw Daichi. The guilt was immediate on his face, hiding the box behind his back._

_“Hey there Daichi, ready to go? Did you pick out anything cool? Maybe something small and not expensive?” Daichi couldn’t tell if he was kidding or making a serious attempt at being sneaky._

_“Maybe,” Daichi answer hiding his own hands behind his back. For a moment Suga looked surprised, and then flushed with a nervous laugh._

_“I didn’t get anything. I mean, I didn’t get anything much.”_

_“You can go wait in the car if you want, uh, while I…” Daichi didn’t even get a chance to finish as Suga fled out the door. The man in the Hawaiian shirt laughed._

_“You’ve got a cute friend there,” he told Daichi appraisingly. Daichi had to hold back the scowl. “Don’t worry, I didn’t get his number, no reason to get your hackles up.” That didn’t ease Daichi’s tension at all. The man on the back counter on the other hand had relaxed._

_“Leave him be, Oikawa. And you wonder why we never have any customers.”_

_“So mean, Iwa-chan.”_

“That sounds like a challenge to me,” the biker with the shaved head was saying as Daichi shouldered his way through the crowd.

“It definitely is,” Suga agreed. He had on his devilish look and Daichi hesitated. “Me and my buddy here against you guys.”

“Three against one isn’t fair,” said Mr. Sinister looking worriedly between Shaved Head and Suga, his tone immediately giving him away as not sinister at all.

“Good enough odds for me,” Suga returned reaching for a pool cue. Daichi was frozen. Suga had said they were both playing against these three tough looking guys, and if Suga was not good at pool then Daichi was definitely _definitely_ not good at pool.

“How bout it, scaredy cat?” Bleached Stripe, the smallest of the three said, he had not missed Daichi emerging from the crowd nor what was surely a look of fear on his face. None of this ended well, he was positive of that but Daichi wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.

“Daichi, catch,” called Suga tossing him a cue, which somehow he managed to catch. That stroke of luck alone felt like enough. Daichi’s shoulders relaxed. This was fine. This was all fine.

Shaved Head racked up the balls in the middle of the table. Mr. Sinister produced a quarter and they crowded around the table as he flipped it onto the green felt.

“Tails!” called Suga.

“Heads!” called Bleached Stripe.

“Heads,” declared Mr. Sinister.

“You want to break first, Noya?” Shaved Head addressed Bleached Stripe, who pumped his fist at the opportunity. He lined up his cue and shot. They claimed solid balls. Suga went next, with less finesse than he or Daichi had hoped. Yamaguchi appeared with his fresh drink which Suga accepted gratefully, downing it quickly to Daichi's dismay. Mr. Sinister went next but with less success than Noya.

“That was a close one Asahi,” Noya said slapping him on the back. “Hey Yamaguchi, can we get some shots?”

“No shots,” pleaded Asahi but the shots came anyway. Daichi went next and managed to sink one of the stripes. Suga gave him a high ten with a shout. Daichi was having college flashbacks.

_Suga at the bar chanting. Someone chugging beer. Suga chugging beer. Daichi chugging beer. Daichi throwing up in the bathroom later, dragging Suga home who still had too much energy. Suga was stripping in the quad._

_“Come on Daichi, the night is young! We’re young! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity!”_

_“Please stop, Suga, the campus security will catch you, Suga please.” Off came his shoes and socks, his pants he threw at Daichi. He was laughing uncontrollably. “Suga please,” but Daichi was laughing weakly now too, Suga standing in his underwear bent double over his knees._

_“It’s so cold, I’m freezing my ass off. Daichi hurry up.” And then Daichi was pulling off his own sweatshirt, the laughter hurting his stomach. “Hurry up, hurry up,” Suga was rubbing his own arms. “Daichi we’re gonna get caught.”_

_“That’s what I was just telling you,” Daichi’s teeth were chattering now too but somehow it was still hilarious, the two of them in their underwear. A girl appeared out of the science building but gave a shriek when she saw them, ducking back inside. Suga was still laughing._

_“Wanna go for a run, Daichi? Let’s warm up. My ass is freezing.”_

_Daichi had no answer but to follow him as he went. They ran all the way across campus before Daichi’s head felt clear enough that he understood what they were doing. They huddled behind the gym, Suga was panting, still letting out bubbles of laughter, his face flushed red. It really was freezing out. Daichi couldn’t stop his teeth from chattering. Now they were across campus, with no clothes. His wallet was still in his jeans. The key to their apartment. His head spun and then he was throwing up again crouched in the dead winter grass. Suga rubbed his back._

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he was saying over and over but Daichi couldn’t figure out why. Suga sat him back in the grass. “Stay right here,” he told Daichi, “I’ll go get our clothes.”_

_Suga was gone for what felt like a full eternity. Daichi nodded in and out and then suddenly Suga was back, his rumpled shirt on backwards, rubbing Daichi’s cold hands in his own and helping him shrug on his own t-shirt. It smelled like sweat and puke and Daichi’s teeth wouldn’t stop chattering even once he had all his clothes on, pants and sweatshirt and socks. Suga put his own jacket over Daichi’s shoulders._

_“Is that better?” he asked. “Let’s go home Daichi.” His voice was tired and sad and Daichi couldn’t understand why. Where was the drain the laughter had gone down? Suga helped him to his feet even though he wobbled once he was up, his best friend’s arm around his shoulder._

_“I’m sorry,” Suga said again, so quiet Daichi thought maybe he’d imagined it. He wanted to ask what for, but he couldn’t muster the strength, teeth still chattering. It’d been fun, in the moment, the cold air on his chest and legs, he and Suga laughing so hard they could barely breathe._

_When they got home, Suga ran him a hot shower and made him stay in it until he wasn’t shivering anymore._

“Alright Ryuu, make us proud,” Noya said as Shaved Head got up to make his shot. With his tongue sticking out Ryuu lined up his shot. Suga was leaning against the table eyes bright in deep discussion with Mr. Sinister aka Asahi. The bigger man was flushed and smiling. Daichi wanted to go back to the motel. He didn’t want to watch Suga flirt with everyone in this bar. Why did he do that? Was it really necessary?

“’Nother drink, buddy?” called Yamaguchi from the bar. Daichi shook his head, and then changed his mind. Suga was up next and sank two of their stripes with a triumphant cheer, slapping Asahi on the back, before threatening to climb up on top of the pool table. Daichi held him back, barely.

That was their last victory. Soon there were only stripes left on the table.

“Alright buddy, time to settle up,” Noya said squaring up to Suga and holding out his hand for bet money. Daichi watched in disbelief as Suga pulled out his wallet. They’d actually made a bet? How many drinks had Suga had?

“Noya, let him go, that was actually kind of fun,” Asahi was saying moving between the two like he was calming a conflict, still hunched over as if reluctant to show his full height.

“A gentleman’s wager,” Suga insisted not backing down and pulled out all the bills left in his wallet. It was four dollars. Noya laughed at him and snatched the bills.

“Okay, funny guy, where’s the rest?”

Daichi flinched, moving toward the two.

“Really Noya?” Asahi said laughing uncomfortably.

“Ryuu, should we teach him a lesson for making wagers he can’t pay on?” Noya asked Ryuu who was now looming up behind him like he was eager to pick the fight. Daichi pushed himself in between Suga and Asahi.

“How much was the wager?” he asked Noya, afraid to see whatever look Suga had on his face.

“Thirty bucks,” Noya declared.

“I’ve got a twenty,” Daichi said pulling it out. “But that’s it.”

“Daichi,” Suga said.

“Good enough,” Noya agreed accepting the money.

“Play you again to earn it back,” Suga challenged.

“Suga!”

“And what if we win again?” Ryuu jeered.

“Guys, guys, is this necessary?” Asahi worried. Daichi was inclined to agree.

“If you win again…” Suga thought about it.

“Suga, just leave it,” Daichi said putting a hand on his shoulder. Suga didn’t meet his eyes still staring intently at Noya, the edges of a smile on his face. What was he trying to prove? Daichi was baffled.

“I’ve got a card, I’ll buy your drinks,” Suga decidedly.

“Alright!” cheered Ryuu.

“You are an outstanding gentleman,” Noya declared beaming and offered out his hand to shake. Suga shook on their wager.

“Suga we have no chance against them,” Daichi hissed at him, but Suga ignored him, waving to Yamaguchi.

“Another round on me!”

“Suga,” Daichi was a growl. Suga finally turned to him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you your money back.”

“That’s just it, we can’t beat them, you’re going to be buying all their drinks,” Daichi said still low and angry, but softening at Suga smiling at him.

“You don’t have any faith in me?”

“Suga! That’s not what we’re talking about,” the exasperation lifted Daichi’s voice higher.

“Don’t worry so much Daichi,” Suga said accepting his drink as Yamaguchi appeared with the round of drinks. He offered Daichi a beer. Daichi shook his head with a grumble and then pushed his way out of the bar.

Outside the sun had gone down and the air was cool and crisp, Daichi pulled it into his lungs with relief, away from the smoke and the mustiness of the bar. Overhead the stars were radiant, not troubled by the entirety of Blue River’s street lights, which came to a grand total of three. Daichi sank down on the sidewalk, and for the first time on the trip wished he were home.

_“See that one right there is Leo,” his classmate Koushi Sugawara was pointing, they were down the hill behind the stadium where it was darkest on regular nights, the lights from town far enough away that they could see the stars._

_“Where?” Daichi couldn’t find it in the mess above him. How anyone had ever come up with constellations and then remembered where they were and what they were supposed to look like was beyond him. He couldn’t track where Koushi’s finger was pointing in the dark. His classmate gave an embarrassed huff of laughter._

_“Uh, I guess that one’s harder to see… uh,” he had his notebook out squinting at it in the faint light. Daichi was never going to pass this class; he sighed wearily. It was fine looking at the constellations on paper but outside it was impossible. They had a test in two weeks that required pointing them out to the professor and he was going to fail. For sure. No doubt. His classmate was a funny kid who was right after him in the rollcall, last name Sugawara to his Sawamura. His first name was Koushi but every time the professor called him that he jumped in his seat and sat at attention like he’d been caught nodding off. They’d gotten assigned together to this project unrelated to stargazing but when Daichi had admitted he couldn’t find any of the constellations, Koushi had grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out here with barely an explanation. Daichi shivered in the brisk October night. If he’d known they were coming out here he would’ve grabbed his jacket._

_“Okay, you’ll be able to see this one for sure,” Koushi said tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention. “Find Orion’s belt.”_

_“Orion’s belt? That’s the set of three right?” Daichi asked._

_“See? You know something, you’re not totally helpless,” Koushi said breathless, his shoulders were hunched up, at least Daichi had long sleeves on, Koushi’s bare arms were wrapped around his ribs, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Daichi squinted up at the stars wishing he had a hint where to be looking, not that any of Koushi’s pointing had helped so far._

_“Koushi, I don’t even know where to look,” Daichi complained._

_“Simba, look harder,” Koushi said with a small giggle._

_“Are you quoting the Lion King at me?” Daichi demanded, looking down from the stars to locate Koushi in the dark. Koushi had a hand over his mouth trying to hold his laugh in, eyes crinkling. Daichi felt warmth spread through his chest and for the first time he felt something small sprout in his heart. Oh no._

_“Sorry, sorry,” Koushi finally burst out, “I couldn’t help it. Daichi you’re so helpless.”_

_“You just told me I wasn’t helpless, Koushi,” Daichi shot back, not really angry but embarrassed. He was glad Koushi couldn’t see how red his face was in the dark. And surely it was red for how hot it felt._

_“Suga, just uh… call me Suga,” Koushi corrected him._

_“Suga, like Sugawara?” Daichi asked._

_“Yeah,” Koushi said eagerly, “That’s what all my friends call me. I feel like I’m in trouble with people call me Koushi.”_

_“That’s dumb,” Daichi said, “Koushi’s your name why wouldn’t people call you that?” Suga didn’t laugh in response to that like Daichi had expected him to. In fact he was silent and Daichi searched for his face in the dark, feeling like somehow he had unknowingly stepped out of line._

_“Yeah, well,” Suga finally said softly, but it wasn’t an explanation. Daichi thought if he pushed, Suga might tell him more, he was never one to balk at telling a story but his reluctance now made Daichi feel like maybe it was something he didn’t want to talk about._

_“So Orion’s belt…” Daichi tried to shake off whatever it was that had settled over them. He squinted back up at the night sky trying to find what he couldn’t see._

Daichi sighed. His anger squelched by the night air, he knew the responsible grown up thing to do was go back inside and continue playing the straight man to Suga’s antics. That’s what he was good at after all. He was mom friend ruining everyone else’s fun at every opportunity. In his imagination this trip had no possibility to go bad. He and Suga made it to all their destinations on time, they watched bad movies in the hotels, they made it to the Grand Canyon, they went hiking and then when there was a good view, he’d feel it in his chest and then he’d have the right words… He huffed angrily at that thought. What a hopeless romantic. And then what? Suga would be super uncomfortable, he’d play like he wasn’t but Daichi would know, they’d drive home in silence, a thick painful uncomfortable silence, one that couldn’t be cut by cracking a joke, or trying to restart a previous conversation. Daichi couldn’t possibly imagine that he had any chance of success, right? That was something that happened in movies, in silly YA novels. They kiss. Happily ever after. Nonsense.

He rapped his knuckles on his forehead. _Dumb, dumb, dumb._ _Why did it have to be Suga? Why did it have to be my goddamn best friend?_ He would fuck up everything if he said something, how could he even entertain the idea otherwise?

“Stupid,” he mumbled to himself, and then got to his feet. He pushed back inside the door, into the heat and the noise and the smell of stale beer. Suga was still at the pool table with the other three, empty glass beside him sitting in a ring of condensation. He was laughing, face flushed past his sunburn. Daichi had read it wrong, they weren’t being taken advantage of by these bikers, and this was all just a joke to Suga. Pull out my wallet, ha ha, no money, too bad, so sad. Daichi went and sat at the bar.

“Can I get you something?” Yamaguchi came over to him, Daichi’s eyes were still on Suga.

“Maybe just a diet coke or something,” Daichi mumbled. Fuck, he was tired. Yamaguchi returned with it.

“Your friend really is a riot,” Yamaguchi said with a small smile. “Those guys never let anyone play pool with them.” They watched the four at the pool table, like a foreign film without the captions turned on, Suga was loudly telling the other three a story, waving his arms, acting out god knows what, Daichi could hear his voice but not what he was saying. The others laughed at the punchline and Asahi, the big one lined up his next shot, still smiling. Daichi wanted to be proud, Suga always brought the best out in other people. Except him, all he could do was be lame and negative and spoil the fun. He took a swallow of the diet coke, sickly sweet in his throat, he grimaced.

“Daichi!” Suga was singing back to him, wading through the crowd, slightly off balance, eyes shining. “Where did you go? We’re winning. That was a really long piss you took. Come on, come back over.” Suga caught hold of his arm nearly tripping over his own feet, laughing helplessly. Daichi wanted to take him back to the motel, he’d had too much already, god, his sunburn looked painful. “Daichi, please,” Suga laughed pulling on him. Daichi let him lead him back to the pool table, steadying his friend as he stumbled.

“Look, I found Daichi! See, he didn’t fall in, Ryuu. He was just getting another drink,” Suga called at the other three. Ryuu lifted his drink in a salute. Daichi tried to look enthusiastic. Somehow Suga was winning against the other three. There were four solids left on the table to his two stripes.

“Alright Suga your turn,” Noya called taking a swig from his glass and slamming it down on the table. Suga picked up the cue, catching himself against the table as his equilibrium tilted. He was laughing softly to himself, lining up the shot and then Daichi watched in astonishment as somehow Suga landed both the stripes in separate pockets. All in one go. Maybe Suga wasn’t so bad at pool after all? Suga cheered and the other three cheered for him. Noya handed back over their cash. Suga took his four ones and beaming offered Daichi back his twenty.

“One loan repaid,” he declared.

Suga was singing under his breath all the way back to the motel, singing and tilting and it took all Daichi’s restraint not to take his arm to keep him steady. Suga was still smiling, his ass still nice in his “going out” jeans, eyes on his feet so they wouldn’t betray him. He didn’t even seem to see the stars out over them. Daichi could see Orion’s belt. And there was Leo on an angle upward from that. And Ursa Major. They came back to him like old friends in the dark, easy to see once you knew what you were looking for. He’d passed Astronomy at nearly the top of the class.

“Daichi, my key’s not working,” Suga said looking back at him balefully.

“We’re in 13 not 14, dumbass,” Daichi called back to him.

“Oh, right,” Suga laughed extracting his key and giving it another go on the right door. “Ta da! Home sweet home!” He flipped on the light, holding the door open for Daichi. “Come in a while, uh, come in and stay awhile.” He kicked off his shoes and Daichi shut the door behind them. “Daichi I am so hot, I’ve been sweating this whole night. The going out jeans have betrayed me,” he complaining tugging at the collar of his shirt and then fumbling with the button of his jeans. In the light of the room, Daichi could see the collar of his shirt was damp with sweat, bangs sticking to his forehead. In the bar he’d been radiant but in the harsh light of the motel he looked like a wreck.

“It’s probably the sunburn, go take a shower and cool down,” Daichi told him steering him toward the bathroom. When he saw where Daichi was pushing him, he refused to go, digging in his heels.

“Nooo,” Suga protested stumbling over his feet, “Somebody died in there Daichi, I can’t shower with a ghost.”

“Nobody died in the bathroom,” Daichi told him sternly. He flipped on the light in the bathroom and almost took his words right back. He tried to be reasonable. Bad as it was, mildew and streaky mirror, rusty drain in the sink, plunger that had seen plenty of us: nobody had died in there, probably.

“Please, don’t make me,” begged Suga, “I’ll be good, no more pool games, just don’t lock me in the haunted bathroom.” Daichi couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not.

“Its fine Suga, I promise, it’s not haunted.”

“You don’t know that,” Suga continued to protest, refusing to go in.

“You want me to go first and prove it to you?” Daichi asked.

“No I don’t want you to die either,” Suga cried gripping his arm, “Daichi I can’t lose you.” Daichi felt heat flush in his face.

“Suga you’re being ridiculous.”

“Daichi don’t do it,” he honestly looked like he was about to cry. Daichi reached a hand out to his forehead. He was hot, and damp with sweat.

“Suga you’re drunk.”

“I know,” Suga answered him, “But you can’t go in there.” Daichi shook his head. Enough was enough.

“I’m going to take a shower,” he grumbled turning back to fish pajamas out of his bag.

“Daichi,” Suga continued to hold onto him. Daichi turned to put his hands on Suga’s shoulders and push him gently down onto the bed. Suga sat, astonished.

“Stay there, don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.” Daichi shut himself into the bathroom. It wasn’t that bad, not really. He’d seen worse, he was sure, although he couldn’t remember exactly where at this moment. The shower felt great, warm water on his stiff back, the bed was going to feel even better he thought, after trying to sleep in the car last night. The sunburn was the only thing he couldn’t do anything about, the water took out a little of its sting but it still felt awful. He emerged damp and feeling heavy with tiredness, back into the bedroom. Suga was sitting exactly where Daichi had left him, red eyes and miserable looking. It was clear he’d been crying. He sniffled quietly.

“Are you okay?” Daichi asked, concerned.

“I’m fine,” hiccupped Suga, “J-just drunk.”

“Okay, you’ll feel better after you take a shower, I promise,” he said pushing him gently toward the bathroom. Suga disappeared behind the door with another sniffle. Daichi lay down on the bed and shut his eyes.

He must’ve dozed off because he found himself groggily returned to reality with the sound of the door lock being turned. Suga had shut off the overhead light, just the lamp with the hole in the shade was still on beside the bed. He was all soft curves in the dim light, damp hair curling at the ends. He hadn’t put a shirt back on and Daichi’s eyes traced the harsh lines where red skin met fair. Suga’s face looked the worst, the red of his cheeks hurt to look at, but his expression had sobered. Now he just looked tired.

“Go back to sleep, Daichi,” he said quietly. Daichi pulled himself further onto the bed, pushing back the sheets. Unsure how much he cared anymore what they looked like. The pillow was soft enough. He rolled onto his side and shut his eyes. Instead of sinking back into sleep he felt like he was getting more awake, the bed creaking and shifting as Suga crawled in beside him and reached to turn off the light. How could he not be aware of how close they were now? He almost imagined he could feel the heat radiating off Suga’s sunburn. Suga sighed beside him, a sad heavy sound. Daichi tried to imagine he was asleep. As if he imagined it hard enough it would become reality and he wouldn’t have to think about Suga right beside him, close enough to touch. That was the wrong thought to think. Suga sniffed softly and it was clear he hadn’t passed right out like he had last night. Daichi rolled over.

“You still drunk?” he asked softly, his voice feeling too loud. There was dim light from outside creeping in under the black-out curtain over the window. Suga swallowed whatever it was.

“Yeah, still drunk,” he finally answered, voice so soft Daichi had to strain his ears for it. Suga was laying with his back to Daichi, shoulders shuddering softly.

“Suga?”

He sniffed again.

“’m okay,” he mumbled in answer to the question Daichi hadn’t asked. Daichi leaned up on his elbow, biting his lip, wondering if this was a time to push or to leave it. Suga held still, no more sniffs, the silence between them almost tense. Daichi had thought about reaching to touch Suga’s shoulder but he thought now he might jump at Daichi’s touch. That would be worse. Daichi let out a heavy breath.

“Daichi, I…” Suga started again, scrunching his shoulders up, his arms wrapped around his sides. His voice was raw and Daichi felt it like fingernails on the chalkboard of his ribs. He held his breath, waiting. _I… what?_ Suga sucked in a deep breath and then suddenly he was rolling out of bed, stumbling blindly for the bathroom, the light clicked on and Daichi sat up as Suga threw up into the toilet.

“Jesus,” Daichi rolled out of bed.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” groaned Suga miserably pushing his hair back from his face. Daichi crept to the doorway anyway.

“You want some water?”

Suga nodded and Daichi retrieved the bottle from his backpack. Suga had his eyes shut when Daichi came back.

“Daichi I’m sorry,” Suga blurted out as Daichi sat down next to him. “This trip was supposed to be fun. I’m sorry.” And then groaning he was puking again. Daichi’s stomach roiled at that. Suga flushed the toilet wearily rubbing his face with a hand.

“It’s not so bad,” he finally answered and Suga gave a weak bark of laughter at that.

“Daichi you’re an awful liar.”

“Shut up,” Daichi said gently. He stood up to wet a hand towel and draped it over Suga’s shoulders. Suga gave a sigh of relief.

“Sorry I’m a fuck up.”

“You’re not a fuck up.”

“Daichi you’re lying again.”

“I’m not lying,” Daichi growled poking Suga in the ribs. Suga lifted his head from where it was resting on his arms on the rim of the toilet. His eyes were watery. He looked like hell. Daichi wanted to kiss him so bad that it physically hurt. Suga smiled a little tiny smile and laid his head back down, eyes still on Daichi.

“You didn’t sleep at all last night, did you?”

“What? Of course I did.”

“Your nose is getting longer, Pinocchio,” Suga jeered at him softly.

“I mean, I wasn’t awake the _whole_ night,” Daichi amended, “Just most of it.” Suga gave a soft hum, shutting his eyes. “Do you feel better? Wanna go back to bed?” Suga didn’t open his eyes.

“I feel like I’m made out of lead.”

“Drink some water and then we’ll go,” Daichi told him. Wearily Suga reached for the bottle and downed a couple of gulps.

“Okay,” he said and Daichi helped him to his feet. He steered him back to bed. Suga settled himself and Daichi turned off the bathroom light and crawled back in beside him.

Suga sighed.

“Daichi?”

“Are you going to puke again?”

“Probably.”

“Jesus.”

“Not right now,” Suga’s voice was soft, Daichi could hear him smiling, even if it was small. “Thanks for coming with me,” he said. Daichi let out an exhale, warmth spreading across his chest.

Daichi woke to a patch of warm sunlight spread over the bed. He’d slept like a rock and he expected Suga still out beside him but Suga was nowhere to be seen. The bathroom darkened, the room empty. Daichi sat up running a hand through his hair and considering. He yawned wearily and stepped into the bathroom to pee. He’d just finished washing his face when he heard the door open, sticking his head out.

“Good morning sleepy head!” called Suga entirely too enthusiastically, he had a bag of McDonald’s in one hand and balancing two cups of coffee. He looked better in the fresh sunlight, the sunburn had lightened on his face, wearing fresh clothes, hair smoothed out. Daichi dried his face and stepped out of the bathroom as Suga pushed the coffee into his hands.

“Black, just like your heart,” he said cheerily. Daichi grumbled suppressing a smile as he peeled off the lid and breathed in the scent.

“How do you rank it?” he asked as he took a hesitant sip.

“Better than gas station on 34th but worse than The Bean Machine,” Suga answered. “Slightly better than other McDonald’s,” he said taking a sip, “But just slightly.”

Daichi grinned and setting the coffee down, dug a fresh shirt out of his bag.

“What’s the plan then?”

“Kiyoko texted me that she’s got the car, she’s working a short shift and then she’ll give us a ride,” Suga said opening the bag and offered Daichi an unmarked breakfast sandwich. Daichi accepted it without question.

“You’re just going to eat it? No snarky remark?” Suga said in shock as Daichi peeled off the wrapper and took a bite. “Who are you and what have you done with Daichi?” Daichi grinned at him.

“New day, new me,” he said with a grin and Suga pulled out his own sandwich.

_Suga was wearing one of Daichi’s hoodies, forest green, the image of a crouching tiger on the front, Daichi couldn’t remember for the life of him where he’d gotten it. Suga had borrowed it at one point during the fall semester when he’d forgotten his own. It was a size too big, sleeves down over Suga’s knuckles, shapeless and baggy. They had just come back from spring break but it felt more like winter today, slushy mess falling from the sky, the air cold with the loose bite of the end of March. They were in the final stretch of freshman year._

_Suga had been off during lunch, too quiet, then too talkative and now they were hurrying back to the dorms. The slush had soaked through Daichi’s sneakers, socks wet on his feet. Suga had the hood up on the sweatshirt, his face lost beside Daichi._

_Finally they were at Daichi’s dorm, fumbling with cold fingers and the keycard to get in. In the entryway Daichi stomped the slush off his shoes._

_“Shit,” he grumbled, “My feet are soaked. I gotta get out of these shoes.”_

_“Daichi,” Suga caught his elbow as they entered the stairway, Daichi lived up on the second floor._

_“Huh?”_

_“We broke up.”_

_Daichi’s brain stumbled for a moment._

_“Wait, what? You and Sarah?” he stammered as if it could be anyone else. Sarah was Suga’s girlfriend from high school, she was back in his hometown while he was here. Suga still had the hood up, face hidden, fingers tucked inside the sleeves of the hoodie. “When?”_

_“Over break,” Suga said voice strange, Daichi wanted to pull the hood down._

_“Shit, what happened?” part of Daichi was glad they’d broken up and the other part of him knew that thinking that made him a shitty friend and he kicked himself for it. Suga shrugged and finally pulled down the hood and Daichi could see his face, eyes shining, expression something he couldn’t read._

_“It just wasn’t right anymore,” he said looking down at his hands, they were red with the cold. Daichi wanted to take them in his own, he pushed the thought away as always, that was something he couldn’t do._

_“I’m sorry,” Daichi said elbowing Suga gently, trying to marshal his thoughts back into some sort of order. “Wanna order pizza or something, tonight? Ennoshita has the night class tonight so he won’t be around. We can hang out.”_

_“Daichi, uh,” Suga’s voice sounded strangled._

_“What is it?”_

_“I uh, it’s,” Suga rolled up his sleeves nervously. Daichi didn’t often see Suga flustered, it was kind of funny. It was cute. Then Suga fixed him with a look, “I’m bi.”_

_“Yeah, I know?” The answer fumbled out of Daichi’s mouth, not sure why Suga was saying this to him now of all times. He flirted with everyone, it wasn’t exactly surprising. Suga flushed, looking embarrassed now and Daichi knew he’d said the wrong thing._

_“I just wanted you to know,” Suga said looking away again, “I mean, since you’re my friend.”_

_“Suga I didn’t mean it like that? It’s all the same to me, you’ve as good as told me that before.” Daichi’s shoulders felt tight. Suga pushed the hair back from his face, still looking distressed. “Is that why you and Sarah broke up?”_

_“Kinda,” Suga said._

_“There’s someone else you’re interested in?”_

_“Yeah I think so.”_

_“Oh,” Daichi felt his heart dropping. He started up the stairs. The question begged to be asked but he couldn’t bring himself to ask Suga who it was. His stomach lurched like he might be sick._

_“Daichi?”_

_“Yeah?” Daichi turned back, Suga was still rooted in spots, brows pulled down._

_“Daichi, is there someone you like?”_

_“Is there what?” Daichi felt his face heat up._

_“Someone,” Suga started again, voice catching. His eyes were pleading with Daichi, but Daichi couldn’t see what for._

_“I um,” Daichi felt sweat breaking out on his neck. Suga would know if he was lying. “What’s with the interrogation?”_

_“I’m single now, I…“ Suga couldn’t finish and he couldn’t meet Daichi’s eyes either now. “You know what, never mind.”_

_“Are you asking me to be a wingman? What the fuck, Suga?” Daichi gave a half-hearted huff of laughter, feeling less amusement and more like Suga had plunged a knife into his chest._

_“No,” Suga choked back. Daichi’s laughter died in his throat. And then Suga was dropping his backpack and peeling off the sweatshirt._

_“This is yours,” Suga said, “I should get back to my room. I’ve got a lot of homework.” His face was still red, and he wouldn’t meet Daichi’s eyes, offering him the soaked hoodie. Daichi didn’t take it, shaking his head. Suga lived across campus, it was still sleeting._

_“No, you’re not going back out there without a jacket,” Daichi argued pushing the sweatshirt away._

_“I’m fine, Daichi,” Suga’s eyes were full of tears, Daichi realized then. His thoughts felt like a ten car pileup inside his skull, one after another._

_“Suga, what’s wrong?” This had to be about Sarah right? Daichi felt a flush of anger that she’d done this to his friend._

_“Nothing,” Suga barked back. Daichi came back down the stairs. Suga stumbled back a step. He was only wearing a t-shirt, and Daichi could see the goosebumps standing on his arms, the bottoms of his pants soaked through, water leaking from his own shoes._

_“At least dry out before you head back. You can do homework in my room. The pizza offer still stands. Break ups suck, I get it.”_

_“Yeah, sucks,” Suga mumbled swiping at the tears in his eyes, shoulders hunched._

_“So pizza?”_

_Suga was slowly pulling the hoodie back on._

_“Not tonight. I uh… I think I want to be alone,” he said._

_“You sure?”_

_“Yeah, I— I’ll see you later, Daichi.” Then Suga was retreating out of the stairwell straight back out through the doors and into the wet. Daichi watched him go, heart in the soggy soles of his shoes._

_Daichi didn’t see Suga for days after that._

_“Suga’s got a cold,” Yaku told him the cafeteria over lunch. Yaku was Suga’s friend from high school. Small and fierce and strawberry blonde._

_“That sucks,” Daichi said._

_“I brought him soup yesterday and he was under all those blankets on his bed like a rabbit in a burrow. Just being dramatic probably,” Yaku said casually._

_“You know Sarah broke up with him right?” Daichi asked quieter._

_“Broke up with him? No, he broke up with her,” Yaku said shaking his head. “Sarah’s my sister’s friend, she said Sarah burned all the pictures of them, she was really wrecked over it. Where’d you hear she broke up with him?”_

_“I guess I just assumed,” Daichi said, grabbing an apple to add to his tray, “He seemed kind of upset over it when he told me.” Daichi was trying to reconcile what Yaku was telling him with Suga in the stairwell. There was a missing piece here but he had no idea what it was._

_“I guess,” Yaku said shrugging, “They were always hot or cold it seemed to me. Suga was either all cheer about it or mad about something. I guess long distance low drama fizzled it out.”_

_“Huh.”_

_Yaku was looking at Daichi now with a suspicious look._

_“Why’d you think he was upset?”_

_Daichi shrugged not feeling like he had any right to tell Yaku about Suga crying. That was something between the two of him._

_“Anyway, he’ll be fine,” Yaku said. “I left him food. Sick or lovesick, he’ll get over it. Just wait he’ll be back out here in a couple days, stealing food off your tray and three iced mocha lattes deep, talking a hundred miles an hour just like normal. Trust me.”_

_Daichi wanted to._

_Except the next time Daichi went to the cafeteria, Suga wasn’t there either, even though he’d run into Yaku who said he was feeling better. Daichi saw Suga from across campus but he was gone without a trace when Daichi tried to catch up. He’d even tried to catch Suga at the dorm at a time when he should’ve been there, just to knock and receive no answer._

_That’s when he knew Suga was avoiding him. Which Daichi was sure made no sense? And then just as easily he found himself changing his own path when he saw Suga. Maybe it felt less bad to avoid someone than having them avoid you. He’d get up to dump a half-eaten meal when Suga came to lunch, “busy” as a catch all excuse. It was reasonable enough. He had a full schedule, taking a chemistry class with an intensive lab, psychology with the professor from hell and an art history class he kept falling asleep in. These were all things, had they been talking, Suga would’ve helped him with. Daichi caught himself thinking about the calculus class Suga was in and wondering if he was struggling just as much._

_The thing was that he really did miss Suga. He missed their easy conversations. He missed joking over coffee, the peace of studying together, Suga’s spreadsheet he’d started a ranking list of coffee places in town. They’d planned to go to so many more after spring break and now he wasn’t sure they’d ever hang out again. With Sarah out of the picture this should’ve been an opportunity for Daichi, instead it felt like a lesson in all the ways you could fuck up your relationship with your best friend. It felt like a boulder in Daichi’s stomach._

_Finals at last bearing down on them, Daichi holed up in his dorm room to try and save his grades. Headphones on he tried to make sense of his notes for his art history class. He wasn’t sure how many knocks there were before he finally heard it past the music. Taking his headphones off and figuring Ennoshita, his roommate, had forgotten his key again he opened it without a thought to find Suga, fists clenched, standing in front of his door like he was about to accuse him of murder. Daichi took a step back._

_“I can’t take it anymore!” Suga said._

_“Take what?”_

_“This!” Suga said angrily gesturing at him, Suga’s shoulders were scrunched up like he was ready to fight. Then it seemed to hit him that he was really there in Daichi’s hallway and Daichi was in front of him looking confused and Suga’s shoulders eased, he looked bashful for a moment. “I mean. Daichi I’m sorry, for making this all weird.”_

_“I don’t think you made it weird. I thought I’d made it weird,” Daichi said, face heating up. “I don’t know what I said, but I’m sorry, Suga.”_

_“You didn’t say anything, it was all me. Just…” Suga ran a hand through his hair and then shyly looking up through his lashes at Daichi. “I don’t know, I’m sorry, I made you uncomfortable.”_

_“You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”_

_“I felt like I did. And then I was too scared to say anything.”_

_“That’s why you were avoiding me?”_

_“And then when I finally got over myself, I couldn’t find you at all.”_

_“I thought you were sick of me.”_

_“How could I be sick of you?” Suga’s face was so sad that Daichi felt like he’d been punched. He wished he hadn’t run away from this confrontation for weeks._

_“I’m not good at stuff like this,” Daichi said._

_“That’s okay,” Suga said, “I mean, I’m not either,” he was smiling a little now. “Though you are pretty bad.”_

_“I take it back, I don’t think I want to be friends with you anymore,” Daichi said grinning back at him and moving to shut the door. Suga wedged himself in the doorway._

_“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Daichi.”_

_“I had to try.”_

_“We’re a pair of idiots aren’t we,” Suga was beaming now. Daichi felt like he’d stepped into a sunny day after weeks of rain._

_“We might be.”_

_“We’re okay now though?”_

_“Yeah, we’re good.”_

_“Want to hang out and study? I’ll order a pizza, it looks like you need help,” Suga said nodding to the fortress of papers that were spread out over Daichi’s bed._

_“More help than you could possibly give me,” Daichi admitted._

_“A pizza with everything, sound good?” Suga asked pulling out his phone, there was a funny look that crept over his face for a moment. “That’s still your favorite right?”_

_“Leave off the mushrooms though,” Daichi said his heart full._

_“But you like mushrooms?”_

_“Yeah, but you don’t,” Daichi said. Suga’s eyes were big and for a minute Daichi almost thought he was going to cry._

_“Daichi you’re too good to me.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” mumbled Daichi blushing. “They’re only mushrooms. Hurry up and order it. I’ll help you with your calculus too.”_

_“You would have mercy on my soul like that?” Suga’s eyes were twinkling. Daichi laughed, a good warm feeling in his stomach._

_“Anytime.”_

_“You’re a good man, Daichi. Too good, even,” Suga said as Daichi stepped back to let him in. He slung down his backpack. Daichi shut the door behind him._

_“Suga?”_

_“Yeah?” Suga turned a look back to him from where he’d settled on the floor, shoes already kicked off, dumping out the contents of his backpack. He looked like he belonged there and Daichi felt more settled than he had in weeks._

_“I missed you,” Daichi said._

_“I missed you too.”_

Kiyoko drove a big open roof jeep, it was covered in mud. They met her at the gas station and taking a red canister of gas they got back on the highway to return to the scene. The wind whipped through their hair down the highway. Suga was cackling in the backseat and Daichi kept trying to start conversations with Kiyoko only to get one word answers. She’d been chatty with Suga at the gas station as they threw their bags into the back of the truck. But it seemed chattiness was reserved for Suga alone.

“A deal’s a deal,” Daichi overheard Suga tell her as Daichi was emptying the can into the fuel tank. Suga flipped open the trunk and produced _the box_. Daichi’s eyes were on him now and watched him hand over to this girl they did not know what was surely one of his most prized possessions. He knew inside the box was the big conch shell. The regret was clear on Suga’s face. Kiyoko accepted it.

“Fair trade,” she agreed, lifting the lid to peer inside. She smiled then for the first time and Daichi had to look away. Pretend he had not seen. Kiyoko took the gas can and gave them a wave and she was gone. Suga stood for a moment outside the driver side watching her drive away. Daichi wondered why he had done it.

“Should we go?” he finally asked and Suga gave him a weak smile.

“Destination C here we come!”

_Suga came back to school sophomore year with his hair cut short. They’d put in to room together in one of the upperclassmen dorms and Daichi had moved in and settled long before Suga arrived. But whereas Daichi’s parents had come with him to haul boxes, Suga showed up alone. He’d pushed open the door with his bag over his shoulder and when he saw Daichi the look on his face was pure joy._

_“Thank god!” was all he said before dropping his bag and throwing his arms around Daichi who’d barely stumbled to his feet._

_Daichi was the one to help him haul boxes up from the back of his cramped car. They’d finally sat back sweaty and panting surrounded by all their earthly belongings on the floor of the too hot dorm room. Suga lay back on the floor stretching out his arms._

_“I’m home.”_

_It would be a safe statement that Suga didn’t get along with his parents. He never said it to Daichi in so many words but Daichi knew. He had an older sister who would do anything he asked of her but he rarely did._

_“Why bother Mariko if I can just do it myself,” Suga would say._

_Winter break, Daichi suggested Suga come home with him and Suga had no hesitation in agreeing. Daichi’s mom was always looking for somebody to dote on and Suga was her willing subject. In return Daichi caught him taking out the trash and washing the dishes, always with a smile. “The least I can do,” he’d say. He shoveled the driveway before Daichi even woke up one morning._

_“You’re making me look bad,” Daichi had accused him after that. Suga had blushed straight to his ears._

_“I can’t just do nothing, it feels wrong,” he’d answered back. “Old habits I guess.”_

_“Is that how it is at your parents’?” Daichi asked then and then watched the change on Suga’s face. He looked down._

_“It’s not any more than any other kid is asked to do,” he started. “I mean that’s not even really it? Like…” he chewed his lip. They were in Daichi’s room, a video game booted up the opening title playing on loop. “Like if I do the chores before they even think about them then I can be a good son? Instead of one they’re disappointed in? ‘Koushi doesn’t get good grades like Mariko does.’ ‘Koushi can’t stay focused on the future.’ ‘Koushi doesn’t have a girlfriend’ and then they give this look to each other like… like…” Suga was frowning. “You know Mariko, she’s so good at everything, she’s a shining star and I can’t live up to that, no matter how hard I try.”_

_“Suga…”_

_“And I know I can’t earn their love like that. I know it, in my head,” Suga said still frowning tapping his temple with his finger, “But it’s like I can’t convince myself to stop trying, you know? They’re my parents, I want them to be proud of me, for me.” Daichi’s heart had dropped all the way into the pit of his stomach._

_“You don’t have to earn it from me,” he said then, quietly. Suga turned to him startled. “You’re enough as you are.” Suga gulped, tears leaping up in his eyes and then just as quickly he punched Daichi hard in the shoulder._

_“Shut up,” Suga choked at him, but he was grinning then, swiping the tears from his eyes with the backs of his fists. “You’re such a dumbass.”_

With directions from Kiyoko and Suga’s own serious consideration of the map before they started, they were on their way. One handed, sunglasses back on, Suga fiddled with the radio dial searching for something to listen to.

“See right now would be a great time for a working cd player, _Daichi,”_ he said giving him a look. Daichi rolled his eyes opening his mouth to argue but Suga cut him off. “And don’t tell me how much money we’re saving on gas.” Daichi laughed, and Suga smirked at him before turning back to finding music.

Daichi kicked off his shoes and wondered what would happen when they made it to the Grand Canyon. He supposed _if_ they made it to the Grand Canyon. At this point it was becoming hard to believe they would ever get there.

The tension tickled back into his shoulders thinking of what his plan had been, the words had not materialized. And he needed words, every time he’d ever tried to tell Suga how he felt it came out wrong, it came out not enough, how could it be so difficult to just say in plain words what he meant? He felt the splash of cold reality on his face. They’d get out of the car, Suga would stand on the edge of the cliff and shout “I’m the king of the world!” to hear his voice echo back to him and then they’d pack up and head home and Daichi would go off to grad school in California and Suga would get a job and that would be it. It seemed likely and Daichi felt like there was nothing he could do about any of it.

“Ah, here we go,” Suga turned up the volume on some song that Daichi didn’t know the name of but reminded him of summertime as a kid at the city pool. The dread of what was coming faded away and he let himself just enjoy riding shotgun, Suga singing all the lyrics that he knew by heart in a wobbly falsetto.

_Daichi was nervous, sure someone could see the sweat darkening his shirt. Suga was sitting on the bench beside him swinging his legs like they were waiting for a bus to the zoo, not for his Nan to pick them up._

_“You’ll love her,” Suga had said at least four times just that morning. Maybe not said out loud exactly. The first had been a text message that morning saying his Nan was coming to visit and did Daichi want to out to lunch with them. Daichi only agreed after determining that Mariko had no chance of being there. He was terrified of Suga’s sister._

_When Suga had shown up at his dorm room like he was there to pick Daichi up for a date that was when Daichi got worried._

_Nan was the first person, besides Mariko, Daichi had met from Suga’s family. The occasion felt significant and important and Daichi was neither one of those things._

_“What’s wrong with you? What’s that face for? You’ll love her.”_

_“What if she doesn’t like me?”_

_“What’s not to like? Nan will like you, I’m positive,” Suga said encouragingly. “Stop worrying Daichi. I mean if she didn’t like you it’s not like she’d say it to your face. Or uh…” Suga grimaced, “I take that back, maybe she would…”_

_“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”_

_From the stories he’d heard, Daichi figured it was a toss-up whether Nan picked them up on a motorcycle or dropped from the sky with a parachute._

_Nan was something special though and Daichi did love her almost immediately. Her first act was to leap out of her car and throw her arms around Suga and he lifted her little frame up like she was a small girl._

_“My Koushi,” she called him in adoration and Suga was practically glowing. He couldn’t stop smiling. When he introduced Daichi, Daichi reached to shake her small hand only to find Nan wrapping her thin arms around him instead._

_“Oh Daichi, Koushi’s told me a lot about you.” Which brought heat to his face, Suga still beaming at the two of them._

_“Mostly good things,” Suga teased._

_“Oh no.”_

_“All good things,” Nan promised patting Daichi on the cheek, her eyes twinkling. They were the same color as Suga’s._

“Suga, have you ever seen the ocean?”

Turns out there was a lot of road between Blue River and Destination C. Suga was speeding again and Daichi wished he’d slow down, that everything would slow down.

“Yeah, I went on a school trip to New York in high school. Coney Island’s on the Atlantic right?” All that was coming in on the radio was white noise static now. Suga turned it off.

“What about you?”

Daichi shook his head.

“Don’t worry, another two months and you’ll have all the ocean you can stand,” Suga said glancing at Daichi. His words said he should be smiling cheerfully but he was not. All Daichi found on Suga’s face were brows knit together with some unvoiced worry.

“Suga, am I making the right choice?”

Suga turned to Daichi in alarm.

“Daichi, what’s up?”

Daichi turned away from Suga, eyes tracing the barren landscape, the flat places in between the swells, and in the distance, mountains.

“It’s just a long way away, I guess.”

“Sure, didn’t you say that’s what made it exciting? I’m sure San Francisco is cool, all sorts of new things to do and see. New people to meet,” Suga added after a moment. Daichi glanced at him and Suga looked away, expression unreadable. “More math to solve.”

“You’ll be so far away,” Daichi tried out the words in his mouth.

“I’ll come visit, you can’t get rid of me that easy,” Suga said eyes on the road. “Really you should feel sorry for me, fishing for teaching jobs in our little backwater university town, while you’re off running around in a big place like San Francisco.”

 _What if-_ Daichi wanted to say- _What if you came with me to California?_

_Suga had not asked him to come to the funeral. In fact he’d hardly said two words to Daichi in the two days since he’d found out. Daichi didn’t know what to do with the pale faced Suga who had taken over his best friend’s body. He’d made him dinner, followed with a cup of tea, waiting for tears or anger or anything. Suga, who got worked up over seeing cute dogs outside, irrationally angry about assignments he personally felt were stupid and who cried at the drop of a hat during movies, was silent and still and Daichi didn’t know what to do. He’d paced their apartment all morning as Suga, resigned and silent, packed his bag. He was headed home for the first time in a long time. He’d told Daichi he was just staying over tonight after the service. He’d be back in class on Monday as if Daichi had given a damn about when he’d be back in class. Now Daichi hovered in the doorway as Suga pulled the sweater from his closet. He held it up in front of himself in the mirror but just blinking miserably at his reflection._

_“This is okay right?” he’d asked Daichi then, voice small, unsure._

_“I’ve never seen you wear that,” Daichi answered, “Why not the blue one?”_

_Suga pulled it out of his closet still unsure._

_“Daichi,” his voice cracked dangerously._

_“Do you want me to go with you?” Daichi offered without thinking. He didn’t know if it was appropriate or if he’d be welcome and he was definitely afraid to run into Mariko or meet Suga’s parents, but he knew if their places were reversed he would’ve felt better with Suga beside him. Suga’s eyes swam with tears._

_“Really?”_

_“Really.”_

_“Nan always did say you were her favorite,” Suga said trying to gulp down his tears. He shrugged off his t-shirt and pulled on the blue sweater._

_It was a long silent car ride. Suga had fiddled with the radio for a while before settling._

_“Remember when we were freshman and that time Morisuke drove us to Walmart?” Suga started into the silence between them. Daichi glanced at him unsure where this had come from._

_“That’s really nonspecific Suga. Yaku was always driving us to Walmart, he was the only one with a car.”_

_“Not nonspecific. **The** time,” Suga said not clarifying at all. “When we argued over who got to ride shot gun.”_

_“Oh,” Daichi said then, the wave of embarrassment rising up in his chest. He remembered that time. When they’d finally parked and he’d opened the back door and puked. Yaku had laughed and laughed. He’d felt so humiliated bent over his knees wondering where Suga was to tell Yaku to shut up, it wasn’t funny. Until he’d appeared carrying a bottle of Sprite he’d sprinted inside to grab._

_Daichi turned to Suga now, wondering what that had to do with anything._

_“You just let me take the front seat even though you knew it would end up like that,” Suga said softly._

_“I didn’t know. It was a calculated risk. Walmart wasn’t that far.”_

_“Don’t cheapen it,” Suga lectured him, “I’m trying to tell you I appreciate it. That you do things without expecting anything in return.”_

It’s not a big deal, Daichi wanted to tell him. It’s no more than what you’d do for me. _Suga’s face was stern and it unsettled Daichi a little. Suga was signaling then, taking the exit for his hometown, cornfields, small town._

_“And I’m sorry in advance for whatever my parents say to you.”_

_“What are they going to say?”_

_“I don’t know but it probably won’t be good.”_

_“I’m having second thoughts now,” Daichi teased. “How long do you think it’d take me to walk back to campus?” Suga only winced. He sucked in a deep breath, car slowing as they rolled through the sleepy town._

_“It’ll be okay,” Daichi told him, not really sure it would._

_“Yeah,” Suga answered, “My parents aren’t really the ones you should be worried about. Mariko will be here too,” it was as close to teasing as Suga could get, his eyebrows pulled down._

_“I’m not afraid of Mariko.”_

_“Yes you are. Everyone is afraid of Mariko.”_

_“Not you.”_

_“I’m immune. Living with her for twenty two years has given me the antibodies. I’ve surpassed the developments of science.” He was almost smiling, eyes still focused on their destination. They pulled into a parking spot and Suga killed the engine. Daichi put a hand on his tense shoulder._

_“I’m right here with you.”_

_“Thanks, Daichi.”_

“Well, well, if it isn’t Suga, the hustler.”

Daichi had popped the trunk but whirled to face the new comer with a familiar voice. They’d found a campground not far off the highway. The sun was already stretching toward evening and Suga had made the executive decision that it made more sense to get to the Grand Canyon during the day instead of in the middle of the night. They’d reached Destination C, but it was only a waypoint. The Grand Canyon was now Destination D.

“Noya! Long time no see!” Suga called cheerily. He and the younger man exchanged an elaborate handshake. Grinning Daichi shook his head.

“See your buddy is still with you,” Noya said finally acknowledging Daichi. “Sorry man, I didn’t catch your name last night?”

“Daichi.”

“Nice, solid. I’m Yuu Nishinoya. Noya. Whichever,” Noya said waving his hand as if shooing a fly.

“Where’s Ryuu and Asahi?” asked Suga helping Daichi unload their gear. They’d intended on camping when they got to the Grand Canyon and had come prepared with a tent.

“Around here someplace, beats me,” Noya said as if they were lost in the straggly trees that patchily sprinkled the campground.

“You follow us out here or where you headed?” Noya asked. He was collecting sticks for their campfire. Three bikes parked at the site next to theirs, big tent already up in the late afternoon light.

“Grand Canyon,” Suga declared as Daichi set to work trying to pitch their tent. Mariko had loaned it to them. Warily he was waiting for what the downside to that “favor” would be. Their GPS had stopped working not long into the first day and he imagined this tent would be similar. He extracted all the poles of varying lengths, two different stretches of nylon tarp. One was the rain fly he thought but it was difficult to be sure.

Suga and Noya were laughing about something. Daichi tried to make heads or tails of it. There were no instructions.

“Yo, Daichi, need some help?” Noya asked as Daichi’s frustration mounted. “I’m a tent expert.”

Daichi highly doubted that but in minutes Noya had sorted it out. Stakes into the ground, poles attached to the proper anchor points and pop! It was up.

Daichi and Suga were staring in amazement.

“Ooh, a two man tent, nice and cozy,” Noya remarked then and Daichi flushed. _Thanks Mariko_. That was the trick, here’s a tent but you’ll be sleeping on top of each other. Even last night’s skeevy motel mattress was larger.

“Will that even fit two sleeping bags?” Suga asked looking at the tent skeptically.

“You’ve never done this before I’m guessing?” Noya commented, “There’s room in ours for another if you both don’t fit,” he said half way laughing. “Ryuu snores like a freight train and Asahi can be a snuggler but you’re more than welcome.”

“Thanks for the offer,” Suga said, giving Daichi a cheeky smile. Better to tough it out than get into that mix. “Let’s try out the sleeping bags before making hasty choices.”

_“You can have my bed, I’ll sleep on the floor or couch.”_

_“No, it’s your bed, I don’t care where I sleep.”_

_“Then sleeping on the bed will be fine, for you,” Suga tossed Daichi’s backpack onto the bed for good measure and then looked self-conscious. “Sorry it’s not much.”_

_“Suga stop, it’s more than enough.” Daichi’s eyes went to the walls, a couple of band posters, a bulletin board of high school snapshots heavily featuring Yaku and Suga and then a prom photo with Suga and Sarah, her dark hair pulled up, sprinkled with flowers. Daichi had forgotten what a good looking couple they’d made. Then a book shelf, half empty, a discarded t-shirt over the back of Suga’s desk chair._

_“Maybe too much,” Suga said as Daichi took it all in._

_“You’ve seen my bedroom at home.”_

_“Yeah, and I wish I could **unsee** it. So neat and organized,” Suga pressed a hand to his eyes, mock scandalized, the edge of a smile on his lips. It’d been three days since Daichi had seen him smile._

_“Koushi! Come down here a minute!”_

_Suga flinched at the sound of his dad’s voice._

_“Bathroom’s down the hall, take a shower or wallow in your filth it’s all the same to me. My house is your house.”_

_“Gee thanks, Suga.”_

_“Koushi!”_

_Suga stepped out of the room to leave and then stuck his head back in._

_“Actually don’t sleep in my bed unless you bathe, you heathen.”_

_“Koushi! Where are you at?” now it was his mother and he vanished._

_Daichi sat back on the bed trying to summon for a minute high school Suga. He’d played on the volleyball team for his school, there was the picture on his dresser of the team. Yaku their libero and Suga as setter. Another picture nearby of a much younger Suga with a younger Nan. They were outside, Suga missing a front tooth and Daichi’s heart cracked a little. He had no business being here, sleeping in Suga’s bed._

_When Suga reappeared later, fresh out of the shower, Daichi had taken a pillow and blanket from the bed and laid out on the floor. Suga looked exhausted and when he saw Daichi, his face said he was too weary to fight this battle also._

_“The floor’s fine,” Daichi told him, “And I showered.” Suga sat on the edge of the bed and pushed the wet hair back from his face._

_“You okay?” Daichi sat up now at the look on his friend’s face. Suga let out a breathy sound, somewhere between a laugh and a sob._

_“You looked so serious lying down there,” he wasn’t really laughing. He rubbed his nose._

_“Suga…?”_

_“We should’ve gone back,” Suga started again, tone all wrong, voice wobbly. “Staying over was a mistake.”_

_“Is it me?”_

_“No it’s me,” Suga rubbed his eyes. “I thought it would feel different but it doesn’t. It really fucking…” he choked now and alarmed, Daichi could see tears spilling out of his eyes. He’d cried a little earlier during the funeral, but besides that there had been nothing. Daichi moved to sit down beside him on the edge of the bed, unsure if he should put his arm around his shoulder. Suga decided for him, reaching to pull him close, pressing his face into Daichi’s shoulder, hanging on like it was all he had._

_Daichi put his arms around Suga then, the solid shape of him, shoulders shuddering. He could feel hot tears in his own eyes. What a terrible weekend this had turned out to be._

_Finally, cried out, Suga flopped back on the twin bed rubbing his eyes._

_“Daichi you’re too nice to me I can’t let you sleep on the floor,” Suga said his voice still wobbly._

_“Well I’m not letting you sleep on the floor either.”_

_“Just sleep up here, we’ll both fit,” Suga said tiredly._

_“There’s no way we’ll both fit,” Daichi said shaking his head glad Suga had an arm over his eyes so he couldn’t see Daichi blushing._

_“Prove it,” Suga told him._

_“Where would I even go, you’re taking up the whole bed.”_

_Suga wiggled over to the edge of the mattress peeking at Daichi from under his arm._

_“Space for your big ass now?”_

_“I resent that,” Daichi told him moving into the space he’d opened up. He didn’t fit, not really, which was somehow both relieving and disappointing.”_

_“We could make it work,” Suga said._

_“You’re halfway hanging off your side,” Daichi answered rolling off the bed and crawling back under his blanket on the floor._

_“You sure you’re okay down there?” Suga asked looking down at him over the edge of the mattress._

_“I’m fine,” Daichi promised. Suga reached to turn off the light._

It turned out two sleeping bags fit in the tent with room for exactly nothing else.

Ryuu and Asahi returned with beer.

They merged together, all huddling around the bikers’ fire pit, sharing food and beer. Tonight Suga went easy.

“We don’t want a repeat of last night, eh Daichi?”

Daichi laughed. The company wasn’t bad. Before long, darkness descended over camp. Somewhere distant Daichi swore he heard an owl. The other three had gotten rowdy. Ryuu and Noya were in an arm wrestling contest on the top of Daichi and Suga’s cooler. Asahi was loudly telling Suga a story about the animal shelter where he worked that Daichi could not follow at all. A park ranger with sleepy eyes and dark curling hair came after a bit and warned them it was past quiet hours and they were being too loud.

Suga brought a bucket of water to put out the fire and shuffled the other three to bed like naughty children. Daichi helped him clean up the trash and empty bottles. Even inside the tent the other three kept on talking in too loud voices.

“Think they’ll get kicked out?”

“Unlikely,” Suga said grinning and dumped the water onto the fire, plunging them into full darkness. Daichi fumbled to turn on his flashlight to see what they were doing.

“We’ve only got the one flashlight right?” Suga asked as the chill of the night settled over them. “I need to pee, can I take it to find the flush toilets? And!” he cut Daichi off with a withering glare, “Before you say it, I’m not going to just piss in the woods.”

“Fine, fine,” laughed Daichi, “I’ll just go with you.”

There were no showers but running water and toilets. Daichi brushed his teeth while Suga examined his sunburn in the mirror.

“It’s not so bad is it?”

“No, it looks a lot better than yesterday.”

“It still hurts though,” Suga said quietly holding his fingertips down on his red cheeks. When he pulled them away after a minute, his pale fingerprints were still visible for a moment before they filled back in with red and disappeared.

“California’s not that far from home right? What, it’s like a fourteen hour drive right?” Suga said then. Daichi’s heart lurched. Suga looked at him hopefully.

“Try more like twenty four hours of driving. It’d be easier to fly.”

“Oh,” Suga exhaled looking back to his reflection. He turned on the water and splashed it onto his face.

They walked back to the tent in silence, picking their way carefully across the campground. The light was out in the bikers’ tent but they could still hear soft voices like glowing embers in the fire pit. They grabbed sweatshirts out of the car, shivering in the chill of the night.

“There’s Cassiopeia,” Suga said touching Daichi’s shoulder and pointing up at the sky. The dark was so complete here, even the Milky Way was visible, a soft glowing banner waving across the sky. Daichi bumped elbows with Suga.

“And there’s Ursa Minor,” he said grinning pointing it out.

“Ooh,” Suga elbowed him back, “It’s like I taught you how to find constellations or something,” he snickered.

“Aren’t you glad you didn’t give up on me?”

“At least twice a day,” Suga said, his expression hidden in the dark, though Daichi could hear him grinning.

They climbed into the tent.

It was one thing for their two sleeping bags to fit but two human bodies seemed to be a different equation. It was all elbows and legs.

“Ow, ow, Daichi you’re kneeling on me, my arm is going to break!”

“I am not! Get your smelly socks out of my face!”

Then they were in and settled.

“What do you think? Is this weird?” Suga asked. His head by Daichi’s feet.

“Yeah it is kinda weird,” Daichi admitted. Suga maneuvered back around and then they were face to face in the thin flashlight glow. So close. Daichi’s heart did a flip flop and Suga almost couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Maybe this is weirder,” Daichi said quietly.

“I know the sunburn looks bad, but when we turn off the flash light you won’t have to see it,” Suga said as if that’s what the issue was.

“Yeah, maybe with the light off it’ll be better,” Daichi said. Suga laughed uneasily and turned it off. Daichi could smell the campfire on him in the dark and his heart couldn’t decide if he was going to just have a heart attack and die or not.

Suga shifted, an elbow right into Daichi’s ribs.

“Ugh.”

“Sorry,” Suga fumbled and the light was back on. “I don’t think I got the sleeping bag turned the right way. Did I get you in the face?” he set his hand on Daichi’s head like he was a dog. Daichi batted him off.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Suga grinned devilishly at him and risked another pat. Daichi swung at him with a scowl.

“I changed my mind, I’d rather be face to face with your smelly socks.”

“Ouch, right in the heart,” Suga giggled trying to flip his sleeping bag.

“Don’t sit on me!”

“Stop pushing, I’ll put a knee right in your kidney, don’t think I won’t!”

“That’s _my_ arm!”

Then the sleeping bag was the right way. Suga wiggled down inside and they were face to face again. He switched off the light and Daichi exhaled a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Suga sucked in a big breath and blew on his face.

“How do you like that?” he demanded in the dark gleefully.

“Stupid,” Daichi grumbled at him. Suga shuffled around, their knees bumping. Then he was still. Suga had rolled onto his back. Daichi could see him as his eyes adjusted to the dark. He rolled over onto his own back and shut his eyes.

“I can’t believe we’re never going back to school,” Suga said after a while.

“Hmm?” Daichi climbed back from the edge of sleep.

“I mean, never going back together, because obviously you’re going back because you’re a dumb bastard who enjoys torture,” Suga continued, his voice hushed. Daichi felt like Suga had handed him a box of puzzle pieces to try and reassemble.

“What?”

“Did I wake you?” Suga sounded repentant then. Daichi rolled over to face him.

“The whole point of school is graduating. You leave and start new,” he mumbled. Suga turned his head, expression lost to the dark. “Didn’t you tell me this trip was to celebrate new beginnings?” Daichi asked starting to feel more awake.

“I know I said that,” Suga said, “But if this is a beginning why does it feel so much like an ending?”

Daichi felt all the air leave his lungs. Suga was still beside him, waiting for an answer, but Daichi could not form any words.

“Daichi did you fall asleep?” Suga asked softer when it seemed he was not going to get an answer to his question.

“No, I’m awake,” Daichi owned to it this time. “Suga, I don’t want it to be an ending.”

“Good, me neither,” Suga said sounding relieved. “Goodbyes are too stressful.”

“Ha,” Daichi huffed. They were quiet. Sleep crawling across Daichi like a slow lizard.

“You know, Nan always talked about the Grand Canyon.” Daichi’s heart squeezed. Suga hadn’t talked about his Nan in so long. The wound still felt fresh, even to Daichi. “She always said she’d take me after graduation. And here we are.”

“She’d be proud of you,” Daichi volunteered.

“I’m telling a sentimental story here Daichi, don’t lecture me,” Suga scoffed jabbing him with an elbow. Daichi laughed softly again. He reached to pinch Suga’s arm.

“Traitor,” hissed Suga, “I expect something like that from Morisuke, not from you.” Daichi reached for him again and Suga swatted him off, rolling onto his side to face Daichi, hands free from his sleeping bag to defend himself. Daichi tried to smother his laughter.

“Anyways,” Suga huffed finally tucking his hands into his armpits. “It’s funny because I didn’t even remember that until just now. I just picked it because we’ve always talked about hiking somewhere cool and what’s cooler than the Grand Canyon?” Daichi had lost the plot.

“But weren’t you going to come alone, originally?”

Suga laughed uneasily.

“Yeah that’s right, I guess. Lucky it worked out then right? Nan would be proud of us.”

“She would,” Daichi agreed wholeheartedly. Suga was silent then.

“Alright Daichi, now you have to let me sleep. I’ve got a lot of driving to do tomorrow and I can’t just sleep it all away in the passenger seat like you.”

“Shut up.”

“Goodnight Daichi.”

“Goodnight Suga.”

Daichi woke feeling pinned, aware immediately that Suga’s face was buried in his shoulder, his soft snore tickling against Daichi’s throat, arm thrown over his chest. They’d fallen out of their respective sleeping bags, Daichi found his own arm draped over Suga’s waist. After a first moment of panic and then a settling calm of Suga’s comfortable weight against him, he realized he could not stay like this. He really had to pee. The regret was painful. Carefully he tried to disentangle himself. Suga groaned beside him, head rolling back onto his pillow.

“No,” he complained groggily, “Five more minutes.”

“Go back to sleep,” Daichi whispered to him, managing to climb over him and then tumbling out of the tent with no grace, catching himself with palms in the gritty soil. It was still early, the sun low, casting long blue shadows. Daichi zipped the tent shut, Suga snoring again, sprawled across the small space.

Daichi returned from the bathroom to find Noya at the fire pit tending a small blaze, fry pan ready beside him. He gave Daichi a wave of acknowledgement, eyelids heavy like he was still half asleep. Daichi sat down with him at the fire to warm up and Noya made them coffee.

_“No, I am not going.”_

_“Come on Daichi,” Suga waved the white and navy striped shirt at him like he was taunting a bull. Conveniently blocking the door to the hall, he was trapped._

_“I know you think you’re being helpful…”_

_“Daichi I did not hype you up to this guy for three weeks for you to be getting cold feet.” Daichi’s face was hot. Suga had sprung this on him. They were supposed to hang out tonight. They were supposed to go see a movie. And now this. He was still reeling as if Suga had clocked him in the face, black eye, blood running down his lip. And he thought he was doing Daichi a favor._

_“I didn’t ask you.”_

_“You might as well have,” Suga said frowning at him. “Asking me where I think a good date place would be. I get it. Asking people out is hard. You’re shy. So I found you Kuroo.”_

_“No. Suga…” Daichi wanted to pull his hair out. Suga had it all turned around. Although he’d looked cheery at the beginning, as Daichi continued to refuse, Suga’s eyes were growing bright, brows furrowed like he was working on one of those hard calculus problems. The shirt was hanging at his side now and Suga looked frustrated._

_“Daichi.”_

_“Suga, I don’t want to go out with him tonight,” Daichi finally choked, “I wanted to hang out with you.” He waited for Suga’s reaction. It was as much as an admission as anything. Suga had no reaction. Daichi had solved y for him but he couldn’t see it._

_“That’s very ride or die of you, Daichi,” he finally said. “You’d pick me over a chance at love.”_

_“I don’t love this guy. I don’t know anything about him. I don’t want to go out with some random dude.”_

_“He’s funny and nerdy, he’s in my chem class. You’d like him. Tall, dark and handsome,” Suga said it like it physically pained him._

_“Suga, no,” Daichi said firmly._

_“Fine, fine,” Suga relented and if Daichi didn’t know better he have thought Suga looked a little relieved. Suga tossed the shirt onto Daichi’s bed._

_“Okay, Romeo, how do I let him down easy for you?”_

_“Tell him I’m already interested in somebody else,” Daichi said._

_“Ooh, juicy,” Suga said tapping it out on his phone. Daichi let out a sigh of relief and sank down on the edge of his bed._

_“Suga, what does ride or die mean?” he asked._

_Suga laughed at him._

Up close in the soft morning light, hair disheveled Daichi could see Noya was younger than him, despite his usual intimidating aura. Ears pierced, tattoos snaking across his arms. Daichi imagined him for a moment like a younger brother. Noya had drained his first cup of coffee already, but his eyelids were still heavy in a daze. Daichi refilled his cup and Noya gave him an appreciative nod.

“The other two still sleeping?”

“Yup, dead to the world. I’ll kick their asses in a little bit,” Noya said with a yawn, running his hand through his hair. Daichi nodded sipping his own coffee. Suga would rank it probably a dead tie with the gas station on 34th. He smiled at that thought. Noya put the pan on over the grate and threw on some bacon.

It sizzled for probably three minutes before there was a commotion and Suga appeared from the tent, but not before nearly face planting as he tried to get out. His hair was wild, shirt rumpled and one side of his boxers hiked up higher than the other. He rubbed his eyes looking at them and straightened his boxers.

“Is that bacon?” he yawned, and then noticing Daichi’s mug, “Bacon _and_ coffee??”

Daichi offered him the mug.

“Careful it’s plain black.”

“Of course it is,” Suga grumbled smiling into the mug and taking a sip. He gagged on it a little. “Maybe a little better than the gas station on 34th, what do you think?”

“It’s a tie,” Daichi said. Suga took another sip and considered.

“Why do you always have to be right?” he complained sitting down beside Daichi and extending his bare feet toward the heat of the fire. He rubbed his eyes again.

“Morning Noya.”

Noya saluted him with his spatula.

They were silent for a while as the bacon cooked.

“Alright,” Noya said finally pulling the pan off the fire and standing up. He stretched and then marched toward his tent.

“Alright men! Time to get up!” he bellowed, sticking his head into the tent. There was a flurry of banging around inside the tent, sides poking out with elbows and then shirtless Ryuu emerged first, eyes still shut, followed by Asahi, hair long and loose on his shoulders, wire rim glasses perched on his nose. Noya slapped Asahi on the back, zipping the tent up after them.

_Suga was laying on their couch, textbook open in front of him. Daichi had his own homework open at the coffee table where he was sitting, eying Suga with the sneaking suspicion he was not reading. Suga kept glancing at him and he had his thinking face on._

_“You know, I only tried to set you up with Kuroo because Mariko told me you were too shy to make the first move,” he said finally startling Daichi. Suga’s face was not at ease with that he’d just said. “You haven’t dated anyone as long as I’ve known you. Mariko said I needed to help you so I figured you’d said something to her.”_

_Daichi was stricken, every word ran out of his head in fright. Now would be an excellent time for Yaku to appear at their door and whisk Suga away for bro time or whatever it was they did on Saturday afternoons._

_“Suga I…” Daichi didn’t know where he wanted that sentence to go, he let it float out of his mouth like a weather balloon. Suga had rolled onto his side, chin propped up in his hand, eyes too intent. Brows furrowed. Mariko knew. She’d as good as warned Daichi not to try anything._

“If you so much as make Koushi cry, I swear to god I will rearrange your face so bad they’ll have to give you a new identity. Remember that, Sawamura.”

_What was she up to telling Suga that he needed help? Was it some ploy to keep them just friends forever or was she that eager to beat him to a pulp? Daichi shuddered picturing Suga’s tall older sister, she had his same ash grey hair, but that’s where the resemblance quit. If Suga was sugar, Mariko was salt with dark brown eyes and a menacing smile._

_“I don’t know why Mariko would say that,” Daichi said, glad it was the truth because Suga could always tell when he was lying._

_“It is weird,” Suga mused, he pushed a stray lock of hair behind his ear. “Maybe even diabolical. You know she always looked up to those scheming villains in Disney movies when we were kids.” Daichi had no trouble believing it, if anyone could take over the world it would be Mariko. “You didn’t do anything to piss her off did you? Maybe she’s trying to use me to get revenge? Do you owe her money? Did you say something to her at Nan’s funeral? You know she does blame you for why I don’t come home over breaks anymore.”_

_Daichi felt his list of sins growing. Mariko had every right to try and make his life hell, although Suga couldn’t have guessed that having a crush on him was Daichi’s most heinous offense._

_“Mariko is terrifying,” Daichi said with a shudder._

_“Its psychological warfare with her,” Suga said. “First she’d get me to set you up with Kuroo and then she’d hold him hostage for ransom money or maybe seduce him to cheat on you. I guess there’s no way to know he isn’t in on it either. Maybe she’s paying him off. Sleep with you a couple of times and then break your heart…” Suga went on, Daichi’s face getting hotter. “…I guess there’s no way to know for sure.”_

_“Yeah,” Daichi scratched the back of his neck._

_“I’m glad we got to hang out last night though,” Suga said with a small smile at him. “If you had started dating Kuroo I would’ve probably only seen you twice a day. I’d die from Daichi deficiency.”_

_“That’s stupid,” Daichi told him confidently but Suga’s grin was growing._

_“Who’d make me coffee when I’ve gone into a studying coma? Or the laundry? I’d never have clean clothes!”_

_“What am I, your housekeeper?” Daichi was grinning now too. Suga was giving him the look. It was just a fleeting moment as if he were trying to say something without saying it and then there was pounding on the door and they both jumped._

_“That’s Morisuke,” Suga said rolling off the couch._

_“Bro time already?”_

_“Try not to be jealous, Daichi.”_

_“Not jealous. Yaku must not be able to smell you in all your unwashed clothes.”_

_“Rude,” Suga said pulling open the door. Yaku was waiting, red hoody, smile all teeth._

_“Ready?”_

_“Ready,” Suga confirmed grabbing his keys and tugging on his sneakers. “Later Daichi,” he called and then he was gone._

Daichi couldn’t stop thinking about what Suga said about the trip feeling like goodbye. It had settled over him as soon as they’d gotten into the car. Noya and his friends had packed up and left already. Taking down their big tent had taken less time than Suga and Daichi trying to undo Mariko’s two man. In the end the three had ridden off, waving goodbye. Suga had all their phone numbers in his phone and a promise to get together again next time they were out this way.

Suga turned around in his seat as he backed up the car out of the campsite, his expression open and focused. Maybe Daichi had been stupid to think it could stay like this forever, in Suga’s orbit he was just a small lonely moon when there were so many other celestial bodies. He thought of Kiyoko and Yamaguchi, Asahi, maybe even Noya all falling into orbit around Suga. What did he have on any of them?

_He remembered a conversation he’d had with Yaku at the beginning of their last semester. Yaku had been accepted to an internship at a lab, paid, with the opportunity to hire. Suga had thrown what ended up being a very noisy, not intimate in any way, party at their apartment, which had ended prematurely with the landlord threatening to evict them. Suga and Daichi had made it half way through cleaning up the disaster zone before both passing out on the couch._

_“Just a couple of friends, drinks, very lowkey,” was how Suga described his vision to Daichi._

_It wasn’t that Daichi hated fun or parties or alcohol but there was a point where at last he retreated out onto the balcony to get away from the noise and press of bodies. He stuffed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie watching his breath plume up in the cold February night. He could see three or four stars, the rest obscured in the light pollution of the city all around them._

_“Ah!” there was a surprised sound and Daichi turned to see Yaku as he emerged onto the balcony, guest of honor, flushed and surprised._

_“I didn’t think anyone was out there,” he said._

_“Plenty of room,” Daichi said with a lopsided grin. The balcony could hold maybe four people tops, narrow and tight. You could set up chairs but only if you didn’t mind your knees poking out through the cast iron railing. Yaku lifted his half empty beer. Cheers to that._

_Daichi leaned on the railing and imagined where Suga was at this moment. No doubt still in the center of what was presumably a dance party in their living room, music tinny in his Bluetooth speakers turned all the way up._

_“Sometimes it’s like flying too close to the sun,” Yaku said to him without prompt. Daichi wasn’t sure what Yaku meant. Perhaps he was drunker than he’d appeared, in the middle of some conversation with himself. Daichi threw him an uneasy glance. Yaku was staring intently at him now. “Suga,” he clarified as if that cleared up anything. Daichi let out a heavy exhale. “Sometimes it’s like flying too close to the sun,” Yaku said again. Daichi stared out at the glowing lights of the city. “If you’re not careful you might get burned.” This wasn’t just idle musing, it was commentary and it was directed at him._

_“Do you always feel the need to speak in riddles?” Daichi lanced back, feeling irritated. What the fuck was that supposed to mean anyway? Yaku downed a swallow of beer leaning against the railing beside Daichi._

_“Look Sawamura, I’m not trying to pick a fight,” Yaku said then his tone neutral. “I know we aren’t really friends, we haven’t always gotten along…” Suga had once gotten drunk and admitted to Daichi that Yaku had said that he thought he was dull. Daichi smiled ruefully at Yaku._

_“And uh,” Yaku scratched his cheek, “I love Suga like a brother. You know that. I want him to be happy. And I know you do too, maybe more so. I hope so at least. I uh…” Yaku paused as if weighing what he was about to say. “I’ve seen how you look at him.”_

_“How I what?”_

_“Come on Sawamura, don’t play dumb with me,” Yaku was serious now. “I’m just saying…” Daichi was glaring at him. Yaku knocked back the rest of his beer and then he shrugged. “Ah, forget it,” he said straightening up and sliding open the door. The sound coming from inside hit them like a wall. “I’m just saying don’t give him an impossible choice, Sawamura. For both your sakes.” And then Yaku was gone absorbed back into the press of voices and people, the door clicking shut behind him. Leaving Daichi alone in the cold._

Maybe it would be better to say nothing.

Maybe goodbye would be simpler.

“You’re quiet this morning,” Suga said as they pulled onto the highway. He pushed Daichi’s complaining car up to speed. “Did you sleep okay last night? I don’t think I kicked you too many times?” he was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Daichi finally found himself wondering if the way he’d woken up that morning had been on purpose or accident.

“I slept fine,” Daichi said allowing himself to remember waking up, for a moment the weight of Suga against him. Even if goodbye would be simpler, just thinking about it hurt so damn much.

“He says while looking wistfully out the window,” Suga narrated. “When will my lover ever return from the war? With his big strong muscles and sexy, sexy ass…” Suga trailed off watching Daichi’s face. “Daichi, I’m mocking you, where is my reaction?”

“Ha, ha,” Daichi said dryly.

“We’re going to be to the Grand Canyon in like five hours, why are you moping?”

_Getting to the Grand Canyon is just one step closer to never seeing you again._

“Daichi? What’s wrong? No more jokes, I promise.”

“It’s nothing,” Daichi answered finally. “Maybe you did kick me too many times.”

Suga always knew when he was lying, but he didn’t say it, not this time.

“You should take a nap then,” he said quietly, eyes turning back to the road. “There’s plenty of time.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Daichi said back, feeling heavy.

They had arrived. A small parking lot on the edge of the world, sharp sunlight washing through tough scraggly trees. Daichi was not ready. They sat for a moment after Suga had killed the engine and listened to the soft pops and bubbling sounds coming from somewhere inside the front end of the car.

They’d driven mostly in silence. Daichi caught in his own whirlpool of dismal thoughts and now as they were parked he could see that somehow he’d squashed Suga’s excitement.

“Well, we’re here,” Suga said finally, unclicking his seat belt. He turned a small hopeful look to Daichi. And Daichi felt bad for lowering the mood, he tried what he hoped was an excited smile. Suga’s eyes pinched at Daichi’s attempt, whether in amusement or pain Daichi could tell. Suga’s face had suddenly become a mystery to him, a book he’d known how to read but now the language was different. Then Suga seemed to come to a decision and slapped Daichi on the shoulder and opened the door.

“Let’s go!”

The Grand Canyon was a place on earth, much like other places, other canyons, on earth, but Daichi wasn’t prepared. He could never have been prepared. When they stumbled out of the car at the overlook, there wasn’t any words for the scope, for the colors, for the _sheer_ _everything_ about it. Suga stood next to him in equal disbelief. No witty quip, no quoting Titanic, just the two of them and the whole world in front of them, stretching out in majesty. A bird soared overhead on the updraft. There were other people at the overlook, bunching together, taking grinning selfies. Daichi wiped the sweat from his forehead. He felt his heart beating loud. They were here. He was supposed to do something. He felt like he couldn’t get in a full breath, feeling a little dizzy with it.

“Suga-“

“Daichi, let’s climb down,” Suga cut him off and Daichi caught his eye for a minute, the smallest panicked look on his face. Did he know?

“Okay,” Daichi agreed. “But sunscreen first, and we’re bringing water with us.”

“And a flare gun for when we get trapped and can’t climb back up,” Suga continued grinning. Daichi almost reached out to smack his shoulder but thought better of it.

Sunscreen on, snacks and water in Suga’s backpack, they made for the trailhead.

“Do we have everything?” Daichi paused grabbing Suga’s bag before he lurched forward down the trail. Suga looked back at him in alarm.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, I feel like we’re forgetting something.”

“Do you have your pocketknife, Mr. Eagle Scout?” Suga asked him. Daichi nodded. “We’re all set then! Let’s gooo!” and then he bounded ahead before Daichi could stop him.

The trail crept downward in a series of brutal switchbacks, and all Daichi could think going down was that coming back up was going to be hell, his calves already aching from the decline.

“How long does it take to get to the bottom?” Daichi called, and Suga slowed up to wait for him to catch up.

“We’re not going all the way to the bottom, we don’t have time, that’s not advised. Didn’t you do any research? Huh, Eagle Scout?” Suga was as out of breath as he was, digging their water bottles out of his bag.

“Where are we going then?”

“There’s a better lookout.”

“Better than that one up there?” Daichi was incredulous. Suga didn’t answer, just chugged the water, grinning at Daichi with his eyes. “Fine, keep your secrets,” Daichi said with a huff. He stuffed the water bottle back into Suga’s bag and plunged forward. “Last one there is a rotten egg.”

“What are you, six?” Suga shouted back at him. Daichi laughed to himself.

_Suga had met Daichi when they were assigned to an astronomy class project when they were freshman. Daichi was the quiet kid who sat two rows forward with big brown eyes and a shy smile. He was built like an athlete, strong arms and legs and broad shoulders. Suga felt like it was some sort of sign from the universe when he’d asked and Daichi had admitted to playing volleyball in high school._

_“It was mostly for fun,” he’d said, “we weren’t very good.”_

_He was from a big city not far from the town where their university was. Selfless, and loyal and kind to a fault, Suga couldn’t have asked for a better friend. Suga always took all his difficult problems to Daichi because if anyone could figure out how to solve them, it was him. But there was one problem though that Suga knew he had to figure out on his own._

_Suga would never have owned it but he’d broken up with his girlfriend of two years for Daichi Sawamura. And maybe it was foolish but sometimes he thought Daichi might feel the same way. It was the way he pressed their shoulders together when they were working on homework, the moments when they exchanged looks and Suga felt it like an electric current or Daichi’s sappy grin every time Suga said something dumb, sometimes Suga caught himself pestering Daichi just so he could hear him laugh. But Daichi never said it and Suga found he couldn’t either._

_It was frightening to think of putting it into words. Daichi you’re my best friend and I like you a lot. More than a friend. Do you feel the same?_

_Because what if Daichi gave him the blank stare that he got when he meant to willfully disbelieve what he’d just heard or if he thought Suga was joking. Somehow Suga didn’t think he could go on living if Daichi had laughed at him._

_So he put it off and did not think too hard about it if he could help it. Let himself drink in the comfort between them, the domesticity of their shared apartment, the cleaning days, late nights studying, the shared dinner on the couch, arguing over what movies to watch, whose turn it was to do the dishes._

_When Daichi told him he was going to California for grad school, Suga had wanted to cry. California wasn’t just the next town over. California was like the other side of the world. He’d found himself looking for teaching jobs in San Francisco. Except he couldn’t just go with Daichi, could he? What if Daichi wanted to start somewhere fresh on his own?_

_Suga had suggested their trip without a plan, after another failed phone interview with a school in the bay area, in the middle of the laundry detergent aisle of their supermarket, because he couldn’t have forgiven himself if he’d done nothing at all. The trip was a sort of last ditch effort to give himself the time and space to tell Daichi how it was. And hope Daichi didn’t laugh at him._

Daichi rounded another bend and then he could see the lookout up ahead.

“Hey Suga!” he turned back but he could not see Suga. He stood panting for a moment in the heat. “Suga?” There was just silence that resounded loud and heavy through Daichi’s ribs. He turned on his heel to head back, a feeling of blind panic. “Suga?”

“Daichi!” Suga’s voice came back to him softly sounding almost so far away he could’ve imagined it, but still no Suga in sight. Daichi held his breath listening hard, and then he heard it clearer. “Daichi!”

Daichi’s heart thudded and he knew something was wrong, retracing his steps then he was running.

“Daichi!” Suga sounded miserable but closer now though Daichi could not see him at first. “Daichi!”

“Suga where are you?” Daichi’s heart was pounding.

“Over here, over the edge,” Suga’s voice cracked. Daichi closed the gap between them in a moment. Suga had somehow managed to slide off the trail, wedged on a ledge below. His pale, scared face looking back up at Daichi. He was sitting down hands gingerly on his one ankle, knees scraped all to hell.

“Are you okay?” Daichi called down, kneeling by the edge trying to measure the distance between them. Suga grimaced.

“My ankle.”

“Shit, do you think you can stand?”

Suga pulled himself up, leaning heavy on his one side, bracing himself up against the edge, teeth set in pain.

“I’m such an idiot,” he groaned, “I’m going to be one of the 250 people who have to be rescued from the canyon every year. Daichi, I’m a statistic.” Daichi rolled his eyes.

“I’ll pull you up,” he said.

“How do you think you’re going to do that?” Suga asked, leaning heavily against the rock wall that separated them, looking breathless. He shut his eyes for a moment. Daichi considered. “Do you have cell service? Can you call for help?” Suga asked when Daichi had no ready answer. “If you tell me we don’t have service again, I’m going to scream.”

“At least you’re in the shade down there,” Daichi told him, “It’ll be fine,” he pulled out his phone. “Suga, don’t scream,” he said softly. Suga groaned.

“What do you have in the backpack?”

“There’s no rope if that’s what you’re hoping,” Suga told him. “I gotta sit back down, I feel really lightheaded,” he mumbled slowly lowering himself back down. He shuffled off the backpack and dug through it as Daichi tried to see what there was. “Nothing,” Suga moaned.

“Our sweatshirts are in there though right?” Daichi asked. Suga squinted up at him.

“And?”

“Tie the arms together and I’ll pull you up,” Daichi said. Suga’s eyebrows lifted. He pulled out their two sweatshirts, carefully knotting the arms. Daichi’s heart had slowed, the panic easing out of his limbs. Suga pulled the backpack back on and slowly pushed himself back to his feet and swung the sweatshirts up to Daichi. Daichi caught it on the third try. He tested the knot, and then got a good grip on it.

“Ready?”

Suga nodded, not looking ready at all. He looked like he was going to be sick.

“Hold on tight, okay,” Daichi told him and Suga wrapped his hands around the waiting sleeve. Daichi braced himself and then pulled, backing up. Slowly Suga came up, one hand catching the edge of the rock, pushing up with his good leg, Daichi caught hold of his t-shirt and hauled him up the rest of the way, tumbling back, Suga on top of him. Relief flooded Daichi until he heard the awful sound Suga was making. A wheezing cry.

“Suga?”

Suga gripped Daichi’s t-shirt pressing his face into his shoulder.

“Hey, you’re okay,” Daichi said wrapping his arms around Suga and pulling him closer. “Hey,” tentatively his stroked Suga’s wild hair. Suga sniffed and went stiff.

“Let me look at your ankle,” Daichi prodded him then, pulling himself out from beneath Suga. Suga rolled over and lips pressed in a line, eyes red, tears cutting tracks in the dust on his face. Daichi felt Suga’s ankle and Suga grimaced.

“Did you put the first aid stuff in the backpack?” Daichi asked after a minute. “I think it’s probably just sprained.” Suga passed him the backpack and Daichi examined the contents.

“I can wrap it up when we get back to the car,” he said. “If I help you, think you can walk?” He remembered the incline they were going to have to go back up and wondered if Suga would make it. Suga was making a face at him.

“How far is the lookout?”

“Forget the lookout,” Daichi told him, “We’re going back to the car.”

“Daichi, we came all this way,” Suga’s voice was small.

“You think you can walk?”

“Yes,” Suga said but Daichi felt pretty sure he was lying. Putting on the backpack, he helped Suga to his feet, slipping an arm around his shoulder to help take the weight off his ankle. They limped that way for a short distance, Suga soon breathing hard, leaning heavily on Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi pulled them to a stop.

“Suga.”

“Daichi,” Suga’s eyebrows were pulled down fixing an evil eye on Daichi. Daichi relented.

“Want me to carry you? You’re heavy as shit, but it’s not much further.”

“So mean,” Suga said.

“Mean? I just saved your life. Where’s the gratitude?” Daichi asked with a breathless laugh, switching the backpack to his front and bending over so Suga could get his arms around his shoulders. With a little bit of a hop Suga managed to get up and Daichi looped his arms beneath Suga’s knees.

They rounded the final bend to the lookout, the canyon stretching out again in front of them, bigger and more personal down here. Daichi let Suga down on the bench, leaning back beside him. Nothing about this trip had been easy. Daichi felt exhausted. The timing was all wrong, but he was kicking himself. _I should say something. Say it now, here in this place._ But he looked at Suga and worried it was wrong, he was hurt, he should be worried about how they were going to get back up to the car. Suga’s eyes were lost in the canyon. Until he realized Daichi was staring at him.

“What is it?” Suga asked.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Daichi shook his head and looked away, scratching his neck. Suga elbowed him.

“Come on, you can tell me. That’s not nothing,” he prodded. “Daichi tell me your secret.” Daichi looked back to Suga smiling at him and his heart stuttered. Daichi looked back at the canyon and sucked in a breath. When he exhaled his head wasn’t any clearer, he reached in his pocket and pulled out the shell he’d been carrying since the Emporium. A tiny perfect conch in the same soft blush color as the one the size of Suga’s head. And now seeing it small in the palm of his hand it didn’t seem like such an offering after all, it was nothing compared to the one Suga had handed over to Kiyoko.

“Here.”

That was all he could manage, offering the Suga the tiny shell. Suga didn’t laugh or shout or say anything and suddenly Daichi thought he’d made a mistake, this was a terrible gift, this was the wrong place, the wrong time.

“Daichi,” Suga looked from the shell back to Daichi’s face as if trying to read what the message was.

“Take it, I got it for you,” Daichi said. Suga reached for it hesitantly, as if it’d break at his touch.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Daichi said his face hot. “I didn’t carry this the last 500 miles for nothing.”

“But?”

“Suga, take it or I’m going to throw it into the canyon,”

“You wouldn’t do that. What kind of monster are you?” Suga asked finally picking it up. His tone was all wrong, he looked at it closely in his hand. “It’s so small. It must’ve cost like a penny.”

“It was a whole fifty cents,” Daichi told him indignantly. Suga smiled then.

“But it’s perfect. Almost better than the big one. Almost,” he was teasing and Daichi felt the tension in his shoulders ease. But Suga was still quiet. They could hear a bird someplace far off.

“Daichi-“

“Suga-“

They started at the same time again.

“I don’t get it,” Suga continued.

“What’s there to get?”

“Why did you get it?”

“Does it matter why I got it?”

“It does,” Suga insisted leaning forward, eyes dead serious. Daichi leaned back, the heat burning in his face again.

“I got it, just because,” Daichi squirmed.

“Daichi,” this time it was a threat.

“If you don’t like it, give it back.”

“And have you throw it into the canyon?”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“Daichi you just said you’d do that, you’re not making any sense.”

“There’s no sense to make, I got it for you, that’s all there is to it.”

“But why?”

“Why are you making this so difficult?” Daichi demanded. Suga dug in his pocket and held out his fist to Daichi.

“Here.”

Inside his hand was another shell. Not a conch. Daichi didn’t know what it was. Suga might as well have punched in in the stomach. He felt breathless reaching out to take it. Suga still had the hard frustrated look in his eyes.

“Suga?”

“I lied, I wasn’t ever going to come out here by myself,” Suga started and immediately looked embarrassed by the admission. “Daichi,” he choked, trying to hold eye contact. Daichi understood. The words were difficult. Saying it out loud was almost too terrifying. He could read all that in Suga’s face, the way he felt it in his own heart.

“It’s always been you,” Daichi said then in a small voice meeting Suga’s eyes, needing him to know how seriously he felt it.

Relief washed over Suga’s face and he put his forehead on Daichi’s shoulder.

“Thank god, thank god,” he whispered. “I thought, I thought…” he was still breathless, voice shaking. “Damnit Daichi I don’t know what I thought,” his voice bubbled with laughter. Daichi felt like his own heart might burst. He caught Suga’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers together. Suga squeezed his hand so tightly it hurt. Daichi wouldn’t have traded it for anything though.

“Can I kiss you?” Daichi asked him finally.

“Please, please kiss me, Eagle Scout, I’m dying and only your kiss can save me,” Suga said lifting up his head, his eyes wet with tears, smile almost too big for his face.

Getting out took three times as long. Daichi alternately carrying and then lending a shoulder to Suga. He was hobbling along, face a mask of sweat and pain. Part way up they met a young man on a run wearing a Hollywood hat who stopped to help them to the top.

Finally Suga was seated in the passenger seat with his legs hanging out the door, guzzling a fresh bottle of water while Daichi crouched with their first aid kit to wrap up his ankle.

“Does it hurt?”

“Only when you’re pulling it tight like that. Shit, Daichi.”

“Sorry.”

“’s fine. I’m the stupid one who tripped, so I only have myself to blame. Though if you hadn’t challenged me to a race—“

Daichi pulled the wrap a little tighter with a menacing grin.

“Ah! I take it back, Nurse Daichi, be gentle!”

Daichi pinned it in place and then scooped some ice from their cooler into an empty plastic bag. He pressed it into Suga’s hands and helped swing his legs into the car and shut the door.

It felt foreign climbing into the driver’s seat of his own car.

“You know where we’re going?” Suga asked, looking spent. “Cuz I sure as hell don’t.”

“I’ve got an idea,” Daichi admitted.

They’d passed a campground on their drive into the park and even though it was pushing evening now there was still a spot left when they arrived. Suga had fallen asleep but he woke when Daichi got out to unpack the tent.

Slowly he pulled himself out and hanging onto the car limped towards the trunk. Daichi pulled out one of their camp chairs and set it up.

“Sit down, I got this,” he said helping Suga over.

“Not fair,” Suga hissed, instead of sitting down, grabbing the collar of Daichi’s shirt to pull him closer, pressing his lips to his cheek. Heat lit up Daichi’s face turning towards the lazy smile Suga was giving him.

“Not fair?” he asked wrapping his arms around Suga to bring their lips together. Suga laughed softly sinking down onto the chair. Daichi was still looking at him, head spinning a little.

This was real life, they’d gone to the canyon and now, somehow, it was possible, encouraged even, to kiss Suga.

“What kind of shell is it?” Daichi asked later when they were sitting by their crackling campfire, darkness settled in around them.

“Cone shell, I think,” Suga said sleepily. Their chairs were side by side, Suga’s head on his shoulder.

Daichi had pulled it out of his pocket, running his fingers over its smooth shape, tiny and golden.

“Why’d you give Kiyoko the big one?”

“Ahh,” Suga groaned, lifting his head from Daichi’s shoulder. “I really did that, didn’t I? I didn’t have any cash, only those four dollars.”

“I had cash.”

“I know but we ran out of gas because of me.”

“But I got us off track in the first place.”

“Your shell is better. I’d already forgotten about the big one until you reminded me. You were right, what would I have done with it anyways,” Suga sighed and lay his head back on Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi leaned his head against Suga’s, soft hair against his cheek.

“Morisuke will never believe this,” Suga said after a while.

“Believe what?”

“ _This._ You and me, stupid.”

“I don’t know about that,” Daichi said.

“Wait? Morisuke knew? He knew you liked me?”

“Yeah, did he know you liked me?”

“Of course, Morisuke is my dude. He knew and never said anything??”

“He told me not to give you an impossible choice.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“That’s what I said! You know who’s really going to hate it though? Mariko.”

“Yeah, she’ll probably threaten to cut off your dick if you hurt me.”

“Rearrange my face was what she said if I ever made you cry.”

“Wait, Mariko knew too? Boy, Daichi you’ve already made me cry. You’re a dead man walking.”

“I made you cry?” Daichi’s voice fell. Suga grabbed his hand, squeezing tight.

“I mean, I cried because of you, not like _you_ made me cry.”

“When?”

“Let’s see, at least twice today.”

“I saved your life, that doesn’t count.”

Suga laughed.

“Only happy tears today.”

“When else?”

“This is embarrassing.”

“I don’t want to make you cry.”

“Off the top of my head… uh, you remember when I broke up with Sarah?”

Daichi couldn’t say anything then, suddenly there was a knot in his chest. That had been ages ago, before he’d even really resolved to himself how he’d felt.

“We had that—uh, argument? In your dorm?”

“Yeah, that sucked.”

“I was trying to tell you, but you didn’t get it. Not trying well, though, I guess. Everything I said came out wrong.”

“But you said there was someone else?”

“Yeah Daichi, it was _you._ ”

“And you asked me…?”

“Because I was hoping it was _me_.”

“Oh,” Daichi felt breathless. “That was a long time ago. A lifetime ago.” Suga sighed, poking Daichi in the ribs.

“You got so defensive.”

“I didn’t think it was me! I felt like you’d sucker punched me. There was no hope then.”

“Wait, you liked me then?”

“Yes, maybe even longer than that.”

“Shit.”

“I was stupid.”

“We were both stupid. I was so afraid to say anything after that. I didn’t want to lose you,” Suga lifted his head. “What a waste of time. Oh no, what about the date with Kuroo?”

“I could’ve killed you,” Daichi growled.

“Oh no,” Suga was laughing helplessly. Daichi was laughing now too. It was funny but only in retrospect.

“Why did this feel so awkward last night?”

“It’s still kind of awkward,” Daichi said, they were in the tent.

“Daichi you’re hurting my feelings,” Suga scooted closer. Daichi could feel his breath tickling his neck. Suga kissed him softly there, along his jaw. Daichi hummed softly suddenly very aware of his body in proximity to Suga’s.

“You’re all tense.”

“Suga, I don’t know…”

“Right, first dates don’t usually include sharing a tent.”

Daichi laughed and Suga slid a little closer. Even though of the two Suga was built smaller, he had strong arms and Daichi felt them now securely around himself. The tension eased out of his shoulders. He let Suga tuck him under his chin, smelling the soft scent of his soap, lingering campfire, sunshine. He breathed out and wrapped his arms around Suga’s waist.

“My arms are going to fall asleep like this,” Suga said sometime later, his voice sleepy, they disentangled a little.

“Suga?”

“Hmm?”

Daichi’s heart was fluttering again.

“Would you come with me to California?”

“I’ve been trying to get a job in San Francisco for weeks.”

“What?”

“All those ‘interviews’ were by phone or skype. I couldn’t do them at home because I didn’t know--- if you wanted me to go with you?”

“Stupid,” Daichi mumbled.

“I’ve got some money saved up. I can always find something when we get there,” Suga said. Daichi smiled at the ‘we’, heart pushing against his ribs, all the things he’d been afraid of seemed silly now. Daichi leaned to kiss Suga on the nose and then more urgently on the mouth, hands tangled in Suga’s hair.

“Now that was a real kiss,” Suga murmured when Daichi let him go.

“Shut up.”

“No worries, we’ve got plenty of time to practice,” Suga said and Daichi could hear the grin in his voice as he leaned forward to kiss him again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction in 14 years, have mercy on my soul.
> 
> These two make my heart so full, I started it on a whim and somehow it ended up 25,000 words long  
> Thank you for reading, let me know what you think <3


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